Have mercy on me, a sinner...

As the holiday time arrives and winter unleashes its frozen fury, I find myself with a things-to-do list that seems unending. Of course, none of these things are pressing really...I don't have to put of Christmas lights or even a tree for that matter! Just things I like doing and almost feel obligated to do each season.



I am thankful for the fact that I don't have do any one of these things. Funny how I find myself so easily worked up and stressed over the things that aren't done but, in looking at their true importance, I find them lacking any real value. Honestly, I grow tired of all the work I seem to put in such fruitless tasks these days. Questioning truth and value for what is real brings little satisfaction in my consumerist displays of the holiday 'spirit'.



A couple of weeks ago, my neighbor was killed in a car accident. I had to perform my first funeral and truly experienced God's grace in it all. Honestly, this was purely Jesus taking over and walking each of us through our own private pain in this loss. At funerals, when the minister opens some time for others to speak, it is often times only one or two people who opt to share. This day, however, was different and only one or two people DIDN'T speak. They were too overcome with emotion to do so but laughed, cried and shared with everyone. What had been 'scheduled' for about a 15 minutes service lasted more than an hour. Graciously, the funeral home allowed us to finish, which set us upon the pathway to healing. Grief is a most mysterious thing...and such may yet another post, just not for today.

Where was I when my neighbor died? I was in my deer stand hunting. I felt so guilty when I realized this! I wasn't doing anything of real value at that time, just scanning the woods and the internet via my Blackberry at that very moment. So many questions left unanswered, so much left to ponder about the sheer brevity of life. James 4:14 talks about this: "Yet you do not know [the least thing] about what will happen tomorrow. what is the nature of your life? You are [really] but a wisp of vapor (a puff of smoke, a mist) that is visible for a little while and then disappears [into thin air]." Amplified Bible In reading this passage, I am once again gently reminded by God of His vastness and my own frailty. Humbling to consider it all and how often this is taken for granted.



Life is truly a treasure, a gift to be opened and then given back to the One who gave it. I am so guilty of doing my own thing, going my own way and living my own life often without much consideration of the impact I may or may not have. Jesus affected every person He encountered on this earth. I can only hope to walk in His ways, and its only by His Grace that my steps begin again and again. He is so faithful to follow beside me, picking me up along the way and setting me back upon His pathway to real life. I often wonder why He does not grow tired of repeating such things.


Jesus dripped love and mercy, unwavered by obvious sin in those He came across each day. And it is with same undying love and mercy that we are to extend to others. Without judgement, He shared His great love and how passionate the Father is about is children. Why do we find this so difficult or, should I say, so easy to slip away from? With Him, all things are possible! Without Him, our struggles overwhelm us and choke out the very life He died to give us. Lately, I have found myself looking through those judgemental attitudes of my own, then wondering how Christ loves me so unreservedly, so passionately and so deeply.


Recently, I read a chat post from a Christian in another state who was participating in prayer vigil outside a newly opened abortion clinic. It was stated the purpose was for Christian's to pray there and the reason actually took me by surprise. Evidently, the purpose of this vigil was so the doctor would not feel welcome there and would pack up, moving somewhere else. I must admit how troubled my spirit is over such an action. What about that doctor's soul? What about his salvation and eternal fate? Did anyone think of him?

I guess the 'Christian' side of social justice is as flawed as the non-Christian ways. I can agree with wanting the killing of unborn children to stop and am glad there are people who are willing to step out in prayer, standing on the gap for those who cannot speak. And, I must admit, I wouldn't want an abortion clinic set up in my own back yard either. But who is praying for the doctor who performs those abortions? Who is praying for the nurses and other staff there? Are they any less worthy of God's Grace than I? I think not! Have we, as Christians, become so proud in our 'faith' that we are quick to stand up against wrong doing, denounce the sin so obvious in anothers actions but not once think of what sin in our own? Why do we have the 'us against them' mentality?

I was listening to the radio yesterday afternoon and the story about the Pharisee and the tax collector was read. It talked about how the Pharisee had gone to the temple to pray, ever thankful he was not like 'other men'. He wasn't a robber, an adulterer or other 'evil doer'. He thanked God that he fasted twice a week and paid his tithes. Oh how we, as Christian's, have become so religiously proud of ourselves! Proud in that we place ourselves above the lowly sinner, those lost in this world and are actually glad we aren't like that anymore.

Yet, what captured the heart of God was the tax collector as he prayed. He was so humbled by God's magnificence, he couldn't lift his head towards Heaven. His prayer was simple yet honestly aware of his condition, "God, have mercy on me, a sinner." And Jesus said, "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God." Luke 18:14 (NIV).

Oh God, forgive us, Lord for our pride! Heal our hearts from inner darkness, those places where we have yet to allow Your Light shine. Deliver us, Lord, from ourselves and cause us to walk before you with humble hearts, aware of our condition yet equally aware that, by Your Grace alone, we have life everlasting. God, allow Your Holy Spirit to convict us of judgemental attitudes, of reasoning our way of doing things as right and purify our motives. Let us seek You in all that we do, everything we set our hand to. But most of all, Jesus, work deeply in each of us so that Your love, Your mercy and Your Grace is seen within us. Let us be extensions of Christ, examples in every way so that You are lifted up. May You receive all the Glory God! Teach us to walk humbly before You, and give us wisdom, God, for discerning You in every moment of life. Let us have eyes to see and ears to hear! I pray God, for Your forgiveness, as I confess my faults before you, my sins are many but Your Grace is sufficient. I thank You, Lord, for Your mercy and Your love. Without you, God, I am indeed lost. But with You, Lord, is where I long to be, at Your feet, laying down everything. And once more, I surrender....

In God We Trust...

I thought I would eventually get to posting my Honduras journal but that isn't happening just yet. So, hopefully I can (at some point) post it entirely in some kind of format. Maybe upload as a file, hmm...

This morning, I was reading in Galatians via The Message Remix and have been pondering the Law vs. Grace quite heavily these days. It seems like the church continually wants to resurrect the Law in so many aspects, all the while claiming to be free from it. It does not seem like you can have it both ways though, does it? I mean you can't be a slave to the Law AND be totally free at the same time. The very thought is contradictory in itself.

The Amplified Bible, in Matthew 6:24 reads, "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stand by and be devoted to the one and despise and be against the other. You cannot serve God and mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions, or whatever is trusted in). And it is the "whatever is trusted in" that determines what/whom we are fully serving. Do we place our trust in the One True and Holy God or in our own abilities, accomplishments and plans? For if we do the latter, then we are not doing the former. It just doesn't work!

Over and over again, I read in Galatians about trusting in Christ, not the Law. The more I read, the more convinced I have become that our traditions and teachings that come from many pulpits echos Galatians 4:17 "They eagerly seek you, not commendably, but they wish to shut you out so that you will seek them." (NASB) And I really like how The Message puts that same scripture: " Those heretical teachers go to great lengths to flatter you, but their motives are rotten. They want to shut you out of the free world of God's grace so that you will always depend on them for approval and direction, making them feel important."

This has been so central in my frustration lately, I feel like I will burst if I don't release this word. And, I speak to myself in all of this! God is so good and faithful at showing us our own hearts and what motivates us. I find myself sickened at my own selfishness and tactics self-preservation when I am supposed to 'die daily'. That flesh vs. spiritual battle rears its ugly head once more...but, thankfully, the victory is the Lord's.

The church has become full of old Paul's - you know, that man who continually persecuted Christians for their beliefs until he met Jesus face to face and was transformed from within. Paul was an excellent student of the Law. Paul himself addressed this in the book of Galatians, chapter 1 where he says in verses 13-15: "I'm sure that you've heard the story of my earlier life when I lived in the Jewish way. In those days I went all out in persecuting God's church. I was systematically destroying it. I was so enthusiastic about the traditions of my ancestors that I advanced head and shoulders above my peers in my career. Even then God had designs on me."
What we need is that face to face, blinding encounter with Jesus. Then I wonder why it takes such a thing to get get our attention anyway? Because we are trying to do it all ourselves....that's why!

The purpose of the Law was "...to make obvious to everyone that we are, in ourselves, out of right relationship with God, and therefore to show us the futility of devising some religious system for getting by our own efforts what we can only get by waiting in faith for God to complete his promise. For if any kind of rule-keeping had power to create life in us, we would certainly have gotten it by this time. " Galatians 3:21-22.

So what was this promise we are waiting on? Faith in Jesus, being set right in our relationship to the Father God through Jesus Christ. Galatians 23-27, "Until the time when we were mature enough to respond freely in faith to the living God, we were carefully surrounded and protected by the Mosaic law. The law was like those Greek tutors, with which you are familiar, who escort children to school and protect them from danger or distraction, making sure the children will really get to the place they set out for. But now you have arrived at your destination: By faith in Christ you are in direct relationship with God. Your baptism in Christ was not just washing you up for a fresh start. It also involved dressing you in an adult faith wardrobe—Christ's life, the fulfillment of God's original promise. "

The free life in Christ does not involve any other mediator other than Jesus. A priest, pastor, teacher, prophet, apostle or can never make you right with God. Their purpose, according to scripture, is to point you to the One who can -- Jesus Christ. The Promise of God's plan has been restoring His children back to Himself, through faith and relationship in Jesus. Being dependent on any man or woman to make you right with God is futile and will indeed result in eternal separation from God. If you do not know Jesus, you are lost. Some will talk about Jesus, placing a a God tag on every effort they can muster yet they never know Him. Jesus not only wants you to know Him, He wants you to allow Him to know you - your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your failures, every detail (large or small). He does not condemn you or turn you away, He will never leave you or forsake you. His touch is gentle, never pushy or overbearing. And His yoke is easy, His burden is light.

Galatians 3:10-12, "...anyone who tries to live by his own effort, independent of God, is doomed to failure. Scripture backs this up: "Utterly cursed is every person who fails to carry out every detail written in the Book of the law." The obvious impossibility of carrying out such a moral program should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way. The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. Habakkuk had it right: "The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that's the real life." Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: "The one who does these things [rule-keeping] continues to live by them."

It is impossible to earn your way to God or to earn His approval by any means other than Jesus. Even those who have asked Christ into their hearts still have that fleshly tendency to strive and strive in working FOR God, doing things for Him when we really don't have to or need to. Jesus died for our freedom from the flesh and its dead ways. He rose again, giving us victory to do all things THROUGH CHRIST because He alone is our strength.

I encourage you this day with this word:

But Jesus' priestly work far surpasses what these other priests do, since he's working from a far better plan. If the first plan—the old covenant—had worked out, a second wouldn't have been needed. But we know the first was found wanting, because God said, Heads up! The days are coming when I'll set up a new plan for dealing with Israel and Judah. I'll throw out the old plan I set up with their ancestors when I led them by the hand out of Egypt. They didn't keep their part of the bargain, so I looked away and let it go. This new plan I'm making with Israel isn't going to be written on paper, isn't going to be chiseled in stone; This time I'm writing out the plan in them, carving it on the lining of their hearts.I'll be their God, they'll be my people. They won't go to school to learn about me, or buy a book called God in Five Easy Lessons. They'll all get to know me firsthand, the little and the big, the small and the great. They'll get to know me by being kindly forgiven, with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean.By coming up with a new plan, a new covenant between God and his people, God put the old plan on the shelf. And there it stays, gathering dust."

Leave your old ways, plans and programs on the shelf. Awaken to a new life, one of freedom in Christ alone!

Honduras journal...a prelude

This will be a series of entries over the next several days as excerpted by my journal from my recent Honduras trip. My thoughts are not in any particular order so bear with the randomness of my thought process along the way. God is indeed working behind the scenes and I am trying not to get in His way.

TUESDAY, July 14, 2009...Two more days until I leave for Honduras. There are so many things left still for me to do and yet time slipping away so quickly. This happens daily but I guess I am much more aware of it when I have a schedule or deadline to maintain. I don't like schedules, too restraining and box like. Ugh! With two days left to prepare, excitement, anticipation and a sense of awe and wonder wash over me unexpectedly through the days of late. I went to Living Waters Church this past Sunday. The congregation prayed for me, along with Samuel, Sarah, Alvin and the MEH ministry (http://www.mehonduras.org). Being out of organized church for a few weeks is very foreign to me and I do miss corporate worship. I was very thankful for being part of a group of folks just loving on Jesus that morning. The simple, non-orchestrated or hyped service was very refreshing and certainly a welcome change from the church I recently came out of. I don't think I could take any more services of loud music right now. It's just where God has me right now.

I'm already tired today. I kind of feel like my body is fighting off a cold and my left ear still has water in it from being at the lake a few days ago. And now, my belly is acting weird but all is well! We departure for the airport tomorrow evening since our plane leaves so early on Thursday morning. Sarah's parents, Kim and Joe are driving Samuel and myself to the airport to catch the plane. I'm sure Sam will be glad to see his sister again and I pray God continues working within his heart for this trip especially. I got the duffle bags packed yesterday with all the supplies & donations we plan to take down. My dehydrator went on the blink so I had to borrow Kim's to finish up on the deer jerky for Alvin. I suppose I could make a to-do list but am certain I would be overwhelmed by it all right now. So, for now, I will continue to plug along at my mental list, even it seems hit and miss right now.

Mike left for a training session in Charleston this morning. This training coincides with my trip and I doubt we get to see each other again before I leave tomorrow night. So it most likely will be 10 days before we see each other again. Maybe he can drive home just for a bit, I don't know. It's 2+ hours away and who knows what their training sessions will be like.

Doc called and I need to cover a shift for Connie at the vet office today. I really need this down time to pack but also sense something is up that needs to be taken care of there. I trust God knows what He is doing. I hope I'm not too tired to write later but I'm not planning on doing anything. Making our own plans tends to thwart the God-dependency we all so much need but avoid. It's not about being prepared rather in planning the day or our time so much we typically leave little or any room for God to reveal Himself. It boils down to control and, while I am in Honduras, I am so not in control of anything. Right now, this is what I need the most - total God-dependency and trust. A sigh of relief comes.....

Some interesting finds...

So I have been searching for a loom recently, something small to begin with would have been fine. I have looked off and on for a while now but not being sure of what exactly to look for really. Over the weekend, I came across a Craig's List ad from someone having a few looms to part with for 'best offer'. So, I called and went to look. This is what I found...
At left, the Weaver's Delight loom, stamped 9202 out of 35,000 made between 1887 and 1980 something. At right, a 48" Cambridge 4 harness loom unknown date of production, but still looking. Not shown are two table looms, one an Ashford and the other unknown maker.


Imagine my surprise when the seller offered me these gems at free for my taking them! Talk about a provision and answered prayer. I'm still astonished and in awe God would look so favorably on my request to provide a loom over and above my expectations, along with no cost aside from gasoline to drive up and back. I have no words......

Preparing...

As I write this morning, it dawned on me that in exactly 7 days I will be on my way to Honduras. Both excitement and anticipation fill me and I do wonder what exactly God has in store for this trip. Over the past 2 years, I have been blessed to make two trips to Honduras for short-term missions projects. This trip is a bit different, however, because there is no real 'plan' or agenda for me to follow. I offered to travel back with my friend Sarah, who has been in Honduras since mid-May. What began as a casual suggestion and developed into a a trip I am so desperately awaiting, it's difficult for me to describe.

The US News is filled with reports of unrest and political uprising. While not to make light of the recent shooting and loss of life at the airport, the local news reports from Honduras itself are actually quite different. The 'reality' imposed upon us by the news media suggestions thousands of demonstrators. In speaking to my friends living there, there are a few hundred 'paid' groups who move from place to place, seeking to grab national attention from the news media. Perhaps news media isn't even an appropriate term. It's more like sensationalistic reporting and distortion of truth. Then again, that is in which the world we live, isn't it? I must wonder, however, how much we reporting we are exposed to as 'truth' and it being every bit as much twisted and construed into whatever can grab a headline. One must wonder...

So, I approach this trip with no plan, no thoughts as to what I must 'do' while I am there. I do sense this will be a trip of discovery and revelation from the Lord and for that, I am so grateful. So, to prepare for the unexpected is really quite foreign. I was talking to my friend Sarah the other day and we likened it the scripture where Jesus was commissioning His disciples.

"Don't think you have to put on a fund-raising campaign before you start. You don't need a lot of equipment. You are the equipment, and all you need to keep that going is three meals a day. Travel light. " Matthew 10:9-10 (The Message)

Bare necessities - not a lot of equipment, travel light. OK, so I will live out my carry-on luggage for seven days. If there is one thing I am for sure, it is to take a guitar on this trip. I began playing the acoustic about 6 months ago so I am still very much a beginner. My starter guitar has the hard shell case, a new set of strings and will be my checked luggage (at the gate, of course) but of taking it, that is the only thing of which I am certain. I know a little Spanish, stressing the word little here, but I have learned to sing Jesus loves me in Spanish. I got to translate a few other verses of other songs so who knows what will transpire.

There are a few things I would like to do while I am in Honduras. One is to visit the feeding center and to meet my sponsor son, Josue. Another is to go to the city dump for food ministry there, possibly also go to the orphanage. But, if the Lord wills that none of that happen, I must be OK with that and just simply trust Him. It would be nice to visit the Valley of the Angels too and see the giant Jesus statue there. I have always wanted to be Honduras at Christmas, hopefully with my husband. I think renewing our wedding vows there, standing at the feet of Jesus would be awesome. Lord willing.....

Preparation is defined as "the action or process of making something ready for use or service or of getting ready for some occasion, test, or duty". Just thinking about that is mind boggling! How does one prepare without planning? It's a very foreign thought process indeed. But, maybe that is the point: I'm not supposed to be thinking anyway. I'm supposed to be trusting Him for all things, great and small. So I prepare by making myself ready for service, not by making plans for things to do. That is as close as I can come to understanding what I am to do between now and next week.

Lord Jesus, grant me wisdom and discernment in this time of preparation. Help me not to get caught up in getting things ready but by readying my own heart for whatever it is You have willed. Teach me Lord, Your ways, Your thoughts Your intentions and help me to lose sight of self-interest and self-preservation. Oh Jesus, I need You so much!

My song and prayer for today...

Father listen to our earnest prayer. Jesus prayed it years ago.

That the glory You had given Him, we would somehow come to know.

Make us one according to Your plan, as in Heaven it will be.

Fill us with the truth and righteousness, You desire the world to see.

Let Your Glory and Honor fall on our face.

Holy Father, rest in this place.

The church is sick and in need of God alone. People, we must seek His face!

If we'll turn from our unrighteousness, He'll forgive our evil ways.

May the eyes of God be on us here. Lord, revive us by Your Grace.

Holy Spirit, be forever near. Saturate us in this place!

Let Your Glory and Honor fall on our face.

Holy Father, rest in this place.

Let Your Fire fall, let the wind blow, let the Glory come down.

Let Your Fire fall, let the wind blow, let the Glory come down.

words as sung by Jason Upton, Faith CD

Learning to Abide...

Abide....the word envokes thoughts of rest, peace and quiet but only at first glance. Webster's defines this word meaning as "to wait for; to accept without objection; to remain stable or fixed." Jesus frequently tells us to abide in Him all throughout His Word. He says that He alone is "The Way, The Truth and The Life" but do we trust Him to do just that? Sometimes, I think not. We are too caught up in holding onto some part of our ownselves and our own ways rather than to simply abide in Him. To abide requires one to trust completely, even if the path He leads you is unfamiliar or uncomfortable.

Dwell...to live as a resident (another Webster's definition). Christ dwells within us when we open our hearts to His Lordship. Do we also return the favor by dwelling in Him? Salvation is the easy part - that precious free gift to us that cost Him everything, born out of pure love for us. Dwelling in Him is more diffcult, that constant laying down of ourselves, that proves much harder than we ever imagined. Christ lives in me, He resides within me. Do I also dwell/reside in Him? A hard question to answer some days.

Join...to bring together so as to form a unit (to become one). Jesus prayed that we would become one as He and His Father are One. He pleads for us to draw nigh to Him, abide in Him, dwell in Him, live in Him and to join ourselves to Him. He is always faithful to john Himself to us, no matter what. He desires us to make our home in Him.

Live...to experience first hand; to attain eternal life. I am not making up these definitions, they are indeed Webster's. What is interesting is these words (abide, dwell, live and others) are all the same word used in different translations of John 15 where Christ talks about the Vine and the branches. Try using http://www.biblegateway.com/ to look up this passage, then select from various versions in the drop box.

Remain...to continue unchanged. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. If we remain in Him, in His Holy presence, we are transformed in His image yet we continue unchanged. His presence changes us, oh yes, but our nature takes on His likeness. Pure, holy and restored to fellowship with Him. Remain in Jesus...for to do this requires abandonment to ones own purpose solely for the sake of His Will. Teach me, Lord, to remain!

John 15...The Vine and the Branches (The Message)

"I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of me that doesn't bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more. You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken. Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can't bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can't bear fruit unless you are joined with me. I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you're joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can't produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples. I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love. I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father. You didn't choose me, remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit, fruit that won't spoil. As fruit bearers, whatever you ask the Father in relation to me, he gives you. But remember the root command: Love one another. "

A Lesson in Patience...

It's turkey hunting season here in West Virginia. Last week, my husband and I were fortunate to harvest our birds but certainly not without a story or two behind them. Such is normally the case with us in hunting and, this year, a lesson in patience was to be had as well. I normally consider myself a pretty patient person. I researched the gift of patience some time ago and found the meaning of the word itself rather simple: the abililty to wait without complaint. It sounds much easier than it actually is.

Early in the morning, my husband and I jaunted down to what I deem my 'honey hole' for turkey hunting. We had heard another gobbler above our house who was actively calling but we opted to continue down to the area where we had been seeing birds for weeks, knowing there was a mature gobbler in the group. As morning began to break across the horizon, we saw turkeys begin to fly down from the roost into the field. It was only a matter of time before that gobbler appeared.

The 'plan' was for Mike to call in the bird and I got to shoot him. Have you ever noticed things don't always go according to our plans? Well, the gobbler came, just as expected, although he was much closer than we thought he would approach. Once he rounded behind us, I knew I could easily turn to get a shot. As I shouldered my .22 hornet, I laid the cross hairs on his side and fired. Much to my dismay, my bullet nicked the only piece of barb wire fence and sent the bird running. Heartbroken and disappointed, I began to question myself, my hunting skills (or obvious lack thereof that day), my rifle - you know, all of the tools I possessed. Mike tried to reassure me to no avail. I was crushed in missing the shot and the turkey.

Twenty minutes passed and Mike called softly to get a line of where the other birds might be. Much to our surprise, the gobbler answered behind us and merely pitched over the hill on foot at the noise of my misplaced shot. I told Mike the next shot was his, should it present itself so he proceeded to call softly until the gobbler cautiously approached from another direction. Once he came into shotgun range, Mike fired and the bird went down immediately. Closer examination revealed a nice 3 year old turkey, one I had been watching for weeks but was not mine to claim.

After tagging the bird, we returned home for a quick coffee and ventured back out above the house to where we had heard another gobbler earlier in the day. I opted to switch to my .20 gauge Benelli shotgun to avoid any fence issues if I had the chance to harvest a bird and off we went to another turkey blind. We set up and sat for about an hour, hearing a distant gobble from time to time. Mike would call to him and get answered but no birds showed up. We had decided to wait another hour before relocating and within a few minutes, a jake showed up. I had my heart set on harvesting a long bearded turkey so I let the jake walk. He fed in the grass and around the trees, scratching in the leaves around our blind.

Just then, a gobble came from just over the ridge and Mike answered him with a hen call. I spotted the turkey out about 120 yards as he jumped on a log and sat down. It was rather funny to watch this gobbler just sit on this log for 15 minutes before deciding to head towards our set up. All the while, the jake meandered around, feeding and scratching. It was a trying time to wait on this turkey to get within shotgun range. More than once, I was tempted to use my husband's over and under (rifle/shotgun) rather than wait for him to get within 50 yards. Each time, I passed on using the rifle, opting to continue to wait for the turkey. He gave us many signs of coming down to our post only to retreat again up the hill as he and the jake fought over the best feeding spot in the field. Despite hen calls from my husband, neither the gobbler or the jake seemed interested in coming any closer to our position.

The 'temptation' not to wait on the gobbler to come within shotgun range was intense. After all, we had been watching this bird for almost 3 hours and he stayed out at about 70 yards. A rifle shot would have been easy and the hunt would have ended long ago. But, I stayed on task with watching the bird and, once he came within range, I let a shot fly and down he went. We looked at the watch and calculated it took nearly 3 1/2 hours for this turkey to come within 60 yards. He had stayed just out of range for my shotgun but I could have harvested him with my husband's rifle.

I'm glad I waited because the time we spent watching was also a time of learning. The lesson was partly in the first part of the hunt, where I missed the first bird. I assumed that all of my plans and strategy would pay off quickly, as planned, so to speak. But I had not calculated for a small strand of wire. In fact, I had not even seen it in my scope. Such are the things of God too, in that we always fall short in leaning on our own abilities and plans. In placing our confidence on these natural things, we can easily miss the mark of God's best for our lives. In the desire to achieve our goals quickly, we often miss a small but influential part of our walk: patience.

In the second hunt, I learned waiting without complaint is not as easy as it sounds. Some things are often kept just out of our reach and for reasons beyond our comprehension. Waiting, waiting and then waiting some more is often what we hear from the Lord. Just when we think we have our shot, we are forced to wait again. If we take matters into our own hands, we risk missing God altogether. Or, at the very least, missing God's best. The pleasure in knowing we have done well in our wait far exceeds the quick fix our culture so often seeks. It is in the waiting that our focus becomes all the more clear to us. And, it is in the waiting our character is refined and revealed.

Thank you, Lord for these life lessons. Help me to stay focused on You - your best for my life, rather than seeking my own way. I pray You will be exalted and magnifed in all that I set my hand to accomplish and that You alone would be glorified. Thank you, Jesus!

The Danger of Relativity...

Being 'relative' in today's terminology seems to include every aspect of 'whatever goes'. There no longer seems to be an urge or fight for truth, for clarity for the things that are real. Our North American culture adores the areas of fantasy and escape from reality. From video games to virtual life internet, to movies or drugs/addictions into lack of personal responsibility, our fleshly human nature loves the 'un-real'. Reality sometimes brings pain and hurt and rather face these parts of life, our culture prefers to numb itself to feeling anything at all.

Rather than deal in the absolute, that clarity of all things real, it seems much simpler in trying to make everything relative to something else. Or, for that matter, everything else. The two words here, "relative (from the word relate)" and the word absolute are complete opposites in meaning. To relate, indicates an understanding or connection to something, often by emotions or by a physical awareness. Absolute, on the other hand, means "not mixed, pure; not dependent on anything else, not relative".

Absolute describes God perfectly. He is Pure and Holy, not mixed with anything impure or unclean. His existence is not dependent on ours, in fact, it is very much the opposite. Anything and everything created, is for His purpose, for His good. His nature is Love, pure and unadulterated. He is genuine, and very much everything real. He created the Heavens and the Earth with the words of His voice, He painted the landscapes with His creative, artistic nature. He can do anything He wants simply because of who He is.

Making God relative to a human is impossible. We do not think like Him or consider His holiness when trying to relate fleshly thinking with Godly thinking. If it were not for Grace, found only in Jesus Christ, we would not even be worthy of approaching the Almighty. Flesh dies in God's presence. Why else has no one 'seen' Him? It is merely for our own lives sake, that He shields the power of His holiness from our mortal bodies. So why is it so many try to make the message of the Gospel more relative to today's times?

I see so much distortion going on in our world that its often hard to tell the Church from the world. The music often sounds the same, just the words are different. People act differently on Sunday (and sometimes Wednesday) than in the rest of the week. Professing Jesus with the same mouth that spews vile disgust with a brother or sister. It's very confusing and it's no wonder non-believer's ridicule folks who say they are Christian's. I think the most common word I hear used to describe a Christian is the word 'hypocrite'. I am guilty.

The Gospel has always been and always will be offensive in its nature. While totally rooted in Love, the Gospel of Jesus Christ forces one to examine him/her self and make a decision. Are you FOR Him or AGAINST Him? Do you realize your need for a Savior, that you cannot achieve relationship with the Father on your own merit or works, and that without knowing Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, your eternity is one without Him, in hell? The Love of God was so strong that His greatest sacrifice would be one of offering His only Son, Jesus, to take on the sin of the entire world, past, present and future, and to nail it all on Calvary, to be brutally beaten for our sake and the sake of all others, to be crucified and die a horrific, painful and shameful death so that we would not have to bear the awful weight of eternity without God. And, that Jesus went into hell itself, taking the keys of death and the grave with Him, permanently destroying the very roots of sin itself, and was raised from death on the third day, victoriously ascending to the right hand of the Father, where He intercedes on our behalf continuously.

Trying to look at this kind of undying, unselfish Love through human eyes is impossible. It sounds down right nuts really! Christianity requires that, in order to really live, you must die. Now, I'm not talking completely about eternity here, although that is the end result. I'm talking about your life here on earth too. You know, the one where you want to make your own decisions, do your own thing and keep God in the carefully crafted box you made just for Him, perhaps letting Him 'out' to give you a miracle or something? That life! That is the one where you have crucify your own wants, for taking up the Will of the Father. That is the life where you must endure hardship, ridicule, possibly even a physical death just for believing in Him. Yeah, you gotta give all that up and to most anyone, that is just plain crazy!

Some people cannot get past the very thought of not being able to do all the 'good things' in life to earn a place in Heaven. Some cannot admit their need for a Savior, while others still walk away from Him without a slightest thought of the state of their lostness. Some reason not being able to 'see' Him with their own, physical eyes as their reason for avoiding Jesus. Others continually cry out for 'proof' God exists by seeking and demanding miracles or answering prayers before they will believe. The very thing our inner voice craves is a total acceptance by someone and unconditional love by another. God offers this to us, He gave us a will to choose Him or reject Him. Out of Love, He opted to allow our choice rather than play 'puppet master' by forcing all to accept Him, His love, His Son, our Savior.

I am just beginning to grasp this kind of love and am overwhelmed by its depths. And, I must say, trying to take a give-it-all-to get-nothing back life, exampled first by Christ, and somehow make that sound fun and exciting (by the worlds terms), just doesn't work with me. And this is simply because we are trying to see Him through fleshly eyes, we are trying to appeal to human senses. Nothing rooted from fleshly motives will provide anything that lasts. It might make you 'feel good' but the feeling won't last or sustain you through hard times. It's like taking something that Holy and treating it as if it were common. That is very dangerous indeed.

Yes, there is wonderful freedom in knowing the Lord. His gift of salvation truly sets us free! We are free from the very heredity of sin itself. We are free from having to perform before man, to be entertaining in order to draw in numbers, free from a watered down message that talks about Heaven but leaves off the 'hell' part of eternity. The Gospel forces one to examine oneself in the Light of the only Truth that really matters. In Christ, you are free from being relative because you don't have to be. He alone is Absolute, He is Truth, He is Life eternal. In Him alone, you are made free.

Out of Love...

I came across an amazing revelation in my devotional, My Utmost for His Highest, the other day. It has stuck with me now for days and I feel I am needing to pen some thoughts on this Resurrection Day. The words are these:

"The Cross did not happen to Jesus: He came on purpose for it."

This is a most amazing thought and so much so, it overwhelms me. The purpose of Christ included restoring fellowship back to the Father. The great love He has for each of us continually moved Him to lay aside His on will and take up the will of the Father. His motivation was one of love, not obligation.

Lately, the Lord has been dealing with me about doing things or 'performing' out of obligation. What SHOULD be our motivation in anything is for us to act out of love. Our heart should be motivated by Jesus alone, it should be effortless but often times seems so elusive to attain. I think, perhaps, it is simply because we are more concerned about what man thinks about us rather than what God thinks. We are so programmed to achieve pats on the back, kudos or whatever way you want to dress that up. Lord, help us!

I don't entirely understand pure love, although I pray Jesus reveals that to me more and more each day. But maybe my desire to understand is flesh rooted rather than heart motivated and grounded in Him. I look to His Word in order to see the reality of His Love. There is no where else to find truth other than this and 1 Corinthians 13 reveals the heart of the Lord more than ever.

1 Corinthians 13
The Way of Love

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. (to vs.12) We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Lord, teach me to love extravagantly! I thank You precious Lord for this day of life You have given me. I thank You for loving me even before my conception; loving me enough to give Your very best, Your Son Jesus Christ, to redeem my soul and restore me to right standing in Your eyes. I praise you, Heavenly Lord, for the precious Gift of Grace, Salvation, through believing in Your Son and accepting Him as Lord and Savior.

Oh Jesus, teach me how to love. Teach me how to love!

Lessons in a lamb...

It seems like such a long time since I last posted. In fact, I think the last post was made the same day that I last received a full night of sleep! Yes, it is lambing time here at the farm and life is certainly full of demands, work, joys and such as we go through this cycle of new birth. God has indeed been faithful in all of these days. Why would that surprise me though? In my recent sleep deprived state, I have broken down more than once and His strength remains to carry me. Oh, how I love Him!

We have experienced 4 lamb losses to date, which is a rare thing here. Many lambing seasons, we have batted a thousand and had all live births without losses. I guess that in in itself is more the exception than the rule but this year seems to be more difficult than previous years. In past seasons, we might lose 1 lamb or, at the most, 2 but never 4. Two lambs succumbed to the cold shortly after birth. I can only guess their mothers were not able to clean them fast enough to get them dry. Single digit temps INSIDE the barn can do that, I suppose. Another lamb was born prematurely, about 2 weeks early. Her mother did all she could but the lamb was not able to survive.

A fourth lamb lived 4 days before it became apparent he did not have the ability to poop for lack of a sufficient rectal opening. The vet calls this an 'incomplete colon' and basically it is the fact all of his pipes weren't connected all the way. As a shepherdess, I was the one who had to make the 'quality of life decision' rather than allow him to suffer in a slow, painful death of sepsis and possible rupture of his intestines. He was beginning to lie around and cry from time to time so I knew something was amiss. Once I discovered the problem, I knew it was not a good prognosis for him.

So, here I am driving to vet office, crying my eyeballs out for this little lamb. As I drive, I began to see a larger picture and how it relates to God, His flock and our responses to Him. If you are careful to pay attention, you can see Him in everything and this day was no exception. I began to see that we are also like this little lamb. We have a deadly condition called 'sin' and it will indeed result in death, darkness and eternal separation from God. Our incompleteness is our desperate need for a Savior for we are truly separated from the Father without Jesus.

We can live our lives for a little while but we begin to suffer, sometimes both in the physical as well as the ever present spiritual suffering without Christ. The number of days we have on this earth is not known to us. Life is but a vapor and we are never promised tomorrow. Every breath we take is numbered by the Lord and He alone holds our time on His hands. Some folks are on this earth for many, many years while others just moments before entering eternity. As the Great Shepherd, He often chooses mercy for those suffering and calls them home into His presence. But what about those who do not know Him?

I was listening to KP Yohannan recently (founder of Gospel for Asia) where he presented a staggering fact: It is estimated that 80,000 people die EVERY DAY without Jesus. I cannot hardly grasp that number of people. In his book, Revolution in World Missions, he offers this way of trying to take hold of such a number: Place your finger on your wrist, locating your pulse. Count how many beats your heart makes in one minute (you can also count for 15 seconds, then multiply by 4). Now close your eyes and try to see this with your spirit. Each heart beat is a soul, a person, one of God's children. And each beat represents a precious one dying lost in this world, without knowing Christ as their Savior. Can you grasp it now?

Just the other day, I broke down in tears again fully realizing my own humanity and flesh. I am convicted of being complacent and self-centered over and over. What I mean by self-centered is this: Any way of life other than that of Christ. Look at 1 John 2:4-6:

If someone claims, "I know him well!" but doesn't keep his commandments, he's obviously a liar. His life doesn't match his words. But the one who keeps God's word is the person in whom we see God's mature love. This is the only way to be sure we're in God. Anyone who claims to be intimate with God ought to live the same kind of life Jesus lived. (The Message)

1 John 2:6 (Contemporary English Version) says, "If we say we are his, we must follow the example of Christ."

Throughout Scripture, Jesus released His own will into that of His father. He didn't do His own thing, live His own life or succumb to pursuing the American Dream. In fact, His life was indeed quite the opposite. He didn't own a house nor did He have land to build on. He didn't have worldly possessions or need to rent a storage building to hold His stuff. He had nothing to call His own, in worldly terms. But He possessed the priceless truth of real life, of intimately knowing the Father and willingly set aside His will for God's.

I want to be like Him and walk as He walked. Most days I see how far from that I truly am from that and it sickens me. Oh how it must frustrate my Lord watching me stumble along this road of life, missing His way so often. I pray He grants me mercy and continues pouring out the Grace I so desperately need. Oh, Jesus, please help me! I am so nothing without You. Don't give up on me, continue pursuing me as I reach out for truly knowing You.

Lord, it is my prayer that each of fully realize the call of God on our lives and pursue You with reckless abandon. Let us lay aside every weight as Your word says in Hebrews! Refresh and renew us Lord, give Your strength alone. May You, Dear Lord, be glorified!

Hebrews 12:1-3 (The Message)
Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

Let it be so, Lord, amen!

Singing in My Sleep...

I awoke this morning about 4:30 am and had been 'singing' within my spirit an old Keith Green song, "Oh Lord, You're Beautiful". I don't really know the whole song, only that first few lines but its such a lovely tune. I think I have been singing this for weeks now so perhaps I need to learn the rest of it? I wake up most mornings and have this song welling up within me right away. Maybe it's more like being fully aware I had been singing while I was sleeping. Hmm...

The Lord had prompted me to get up early this morning and I failed in my obedience today. We sheared sheep yesterday and I was SOOOOOO tired in my body. Every joint ached and my feet were painful by days end from being in barn boots all day. Yet, it pains me more to know I did not/could not/would not or whatever 'not' get up early to spend time with Jesus. Once again, I ask for His forgiveness and so need His mercy and grace. Oh Lord, You are indeed beautiful to me!

As I was writing this morning, I hopped over to Rockin' with the Cross and found the remaining words to the Keith Green song. The 2nd verse sounds like me this morning:

Oh Lord, my body's tired

But Your keep reminding me

Of many holy, tireless men

Who spilt their blood for Thee

My prayer is that The Lord forgive me once again for my failures and give me strength and endurance to continue The Race, striving and following hard after Him alone. May I not simply admire Jesus from afar and hold Him only in adoration. Adore Him, yes, but do not stop there. Adore Him, behold Him, honor Him, obey Him, love Him in reckless abandon and be oblivious to my own needs, my discomfort or my plan for the day.

Oh Lord, You're Beautiful

Your face is all I seek

And when Your eyes are on this child,

Your grace abounds to me!

Thank you, Jesus, for your faithfulness and your undying patience with me. Your grace indeeds sustains and covers me. Your blood alone is the only thing to make me anything at all before You. I love You, Lord.

In the Silence...

Silence - why do we run from it? Why do we turn away from the 'absence of sound or noise'? Being quiet or silent implies a sense of stillness - devoid of or abstaining from motion.; uttering no sound. It is a place where 'we' must cease to exist. When we remain here, the focus can shift from ourselves to Jesus. Ecclesiastes 3:7 says there is "a time to keep silence, and a time to speak". We have so concentrated on our speaking, we have forgotten the joy of silence.

This is a place in life where I am welcoming silence. Distractions have been plentiful and there indeed comes a time when we must either pull ourselves away from all the 'noise' or we will get caught up in it. Jesus set the perfect example when He walked this earth and would frequently get away to be with the Father. Sometimes, in order to hear the Father, we need to be quiet and listen; to abstain from motion and utter no sound. Honesty prevails in silence.

In the Silence

by Jason Upton

Tired of telling You, You have me, when I know You really don't

Tired of telling You I'll follow, when I know I really won't

'Cause I'd rather stand here speechless, with no great words to say,

If my silence is more truthful and my ears can hear how to walk in Your way.

In the silence, You are speaking

In the quiet, I can feel the fire

And it's burning, burning deeply

Burning all, it is that You desire to be silent, in me.

Oh, Jesus, can You hear me? My soul is screaming out,

And my broken will cries teach me what Your Kingdom's all about.

Unite my heart to fear You, to fear Your Holy Name,

And create a life of worship, in the spirit and truth of Your loving ways.

In the silence, You are speaking

In the quiet, I can feel the fire

And it's burning, burning deeply

Burning all, it is that You desire to be silent, in me.

The Error of Irreverence...

This morning, God placed in my mind 2 Samuel 5:19 "So David inquired of the LORD, saying, “Shall I go up against the Philistines? Will You deliver them into my hand?” After reading the rest of the chapter, I was brought back to the very first sentence, "So David inquired of the Lord...." and wondered just how often I missed doing that. How often do I do my own thing and not inquire of the Lord first? Truth be known, it's much more often than I wish it to be. If I can be faithful to the Lord in inquiring of Him in those small things, how much easier will it be during those big things? Or in difficult times?

I continued reading this morning through the next chapter of 2 Samuel - this is where David brought the Ark of the Covenant back to Jerusalem. As I read, it seemed to me as if David's attempt to move God's presence (the Ark) was done simply according to what he thought was the right way. His 'method' (for lack of a better word) appeared to be right but, in the end, this gave way to a scenario that cost Uzzah his life.

In verse 7, God struck Uzzah "for his error" and he died immediately right there beside the Ark. From the verses, I cannot ascertain what Uzzah's actual intention was. The Word only states that Uzzah put his hand to the Ark when the oxen stumbled - it does not specify his intention. Perhaps he did not have an ulterior motive, I don't know. I certainly am not worthy to judge any one else's motivations anyway! As I read the Word, Uzzah's error was in "taking hold" of the Ark. That word 'error' is translated as 'irreverence'. Uzzah disregarded that which is Holy and treated it as if it were common. He was irreverent to the presence of the Lord (the Ark) by reaching out to steady it when the oxen stumbled. Did you happen to notice where the oxen stumbled? It was at Nacon's threshing floor, which is interesting in itself, if you think about it. To begin with, the ground for a threshing floor is normally made smooth and beaten down to make it hard. It is here where the wheat is separated from the chaff. Those oxen took a step that was not expected or anticipated by man but God knew exactly what was going on. Doesn't He always?

As I continued to read, I noticed David had acted in what he believed was a good way to transport the Ark. He thought a brand new cart was an excellent (and easy) way to bring the Ark into Jerusalem. David failed in not learning the protocols of The King. It seemed to me as if David had sought the Lord in what was to be moved (the Ark) but stopped there. He failed to 'inquire of the Lord' as to the 'how' God's presence was to be moved. And it was not until David came into alignment with God's way of doing things that the Ark was transported without someone dying.

With the New Covenant of Christ, the blood of Jesus destroyed the need for any additional sacrifice(s) to be made in order to enter into God's presence. His completeness of Grace and Mercy on the Cross by His total Sacrifice changed the protocols of the Law forever. And yet, we still insist on approaching the Lord our own way, in our own ability rather than His. God cannot look upon sin so we dare not to enter His presence without the blood of Jesus covering us, lest we die. We must continually examine ourselves before the Lord and, at the same time, trust in the fullness of His grace to make us fit to be before the Throne.

So, I began to ponder just how many "Uzzah's" have occurred in my own life because of my error, my irreverence. He has certainly shown me much mercy by not striking me down on the spot and, if were not for His grace, that may have already happened. It is important to know, however, approaching the Lord isn't in a method, system or order - it's a heart condition. Are you surrendered to Jesus? To His will and not your own? Do you approach the Lord because you can? Or might it be simply because you want to, out of sheer love for Him and your desire to be with Him?

Christ's sacrifice on the Cross restored the avenue for open fellowship between us and our Heavenly Father. He wants to walk with us, just like He did with Adam in the Garden, before the fall. Can you imagine their conversations?!? I think God is really calling His children back to Himself not only because He loves us but also in that He wants to spend time with us. He desires for us to know His heart, to show us His dreams for our life. I wonder if He grows tired of listening to our demands, our wish lists and our insistence in doing things a certain way, our way? He is so patient...

John 14:6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. (NKJV)

You can't access God in your own way or by your own methods - it's only through Christ Jesus. Oh, please, please, do not use my Lord (do not err by irreverence) as a gateway to the Father for presenting a wish list or just to get something from Him. How that must break His heart! And oh, what a painful lesson we may have to learn as David did.

I love you, Lord. Help me to see the error of my ways in approaching You, most Holy One. Clear my heart of my own wants and desires; replace them with Yours. Thank you, Jesus, for Your perfect sacrifice! Thank you for opening the door back to the Father. Now, let me return to my First Love with reckless abandon!

Oh Lord, You're beautiful!

Your face is all I seek!

For when your eyes are on this child,

Your faith abounds to me.

No greater Refuge......

Proverbs 30:5 "Every word of God is flawless;He is a shield to those who take refuge in him." (NIV)

What a wonderful place to be - in the Refuge of the Almighty! It's almost too grand of a thought to contain but such relief washes over my soul just reading that verse. For me that refuge is a place of rest, gentleness and release - something I desperately need at this moment. I am overcome with the love of my Heavenly Father no matter where I am or what I am doing. I am so undone.

Do I please Him?

I have asked myself this question many times and know I have both failed and succeeded. Pleasing the Master is something I hold dear too but all too often can get caught up in the action of doing rather than the place of being. There is quite a fine line, isn't there? As humans, we typically don't 'wait' well, feeling like we must do something to spur God into action. It pains us to see our circumstances seemingly swallow us up while God sits back and doesn't do anything. I have found, however, this is exactly when He is doing the most work but I either can't or won't see it. And it is in these times, we are looking more through our fleshly eyes than our spiritual ones.

Pursuing intimacy with Jesus is my hope. At times, however, I find myself too buried in the pursuit of Him instead of merely being with Him. It's an action that has plagued generations before me as well. I don't just want to know about the Lord, I want to KNOW HIM. And so subtle is the difference! Lately, God has brought to mind many times where my pursuit of learning more about Him and His word took precedence over truly knowing Him, His character, His very being. Now, I know that I cannot fully grasps the depths of His reasoning's for He is so much grander than I, larger than my small concept of life and so above the feeble attempts I make in thought. But, such a relief that is!

Blind trust is not something most folks can do easily. Believing God has that better way ahead is easy to agree with in the beginning but when things don't happen in a certain order or within our specified time frames, we get a little nervous. Am I hearing from God? Am I hearing myself instead? Questions of doubt plague our minds over and over again, sometimes to the point of abandoning the wait altogether somehow convinced we missed it. So often, we fall back on what is familiar and comfortable, trading what is new and unexpected for the traditions or teachings we have grown accustomed to. This safety zone is a threat to the very Life within us because it is during this time of waiting we develop a trust and utter desperate dependency on the Lord. Any hint of ourselves or own ability must be dealt with in contemplative prayer to the Lord. We must abandon our need to 'do' something (i.e. perform) and allow the Light of Christ to perfect us, to work within us as He sees fit. His will, after all, is our sole desire.

Pleasing the Lord never requires us to do something for Him. After all, He is God and needs not our help, our assistance or our input. I recall the words of Oswald Chambers warning us "Beware of anything that competes with loyalty to Jesus Christ. The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him. It is easier to serve than to be drunk to the dregs. The one aim of the call of God is the satisfaction of God, not a call to do something for Him." How many times have you been told or taught that your loyalty to someone is measured by the amount your service? Hmm...works comes to mind here! I always thought my loyalty to Christ would be measured more by my love for Him than what I can do for Him. He doesn't need anything from me. He does, however, ask for my life, my love, my will, everything there is about me - after all, He first gave all of that to me so that I could truly live. And I am so thankful for that!

One other thought that comes to mind is about misplaced loyalty. Some would argue Christian's are to be loyal to their families, their friends, their Pastor, their Church but rarely does one hear a calling to be loyal only to Christ. Now, while all being loyal to all of those people may be a good thing, I would argue it that it completes directly with our loyalty to Christ. His word clearly says that you cannot serve both God and man.

Luke 16:13 (Amplified Bible)
No servant is able to serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stand by and be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon (riches, or anything in which you trust and on which you rely).

Do you see the subtle danger in putting a good thing in place of the best thing? This battle between our flesh and the pursuit of good things verses our spirit and the pursuit of the best thing rages on behind the scenes. The best thing(s) can only found in our relationship with Jesus Christ. No exceptions and you cannot have it both ways. You cannot compromise your loyalty based upon what someone tells you - I would say to search the scriptures for the Truth you are seeking. Anything that I have written, please do NOT take it as truth just because you may agree with it. Search His word, test all things and hold fast to what is good. I pray God filters my words by His word and, where I need correction, I pray His Holy Spirit delivers that and I receive it accordingly.

After all, I want to please my Master. I do not wish to grieve Him in word, thought or action. I pray the Holy Spirit bring to mind the times when I fail Him and bring me to that precious place of repentance before Him. I can see why the Puritan's often prayed for the 'gift of tears' and how being open to conviction, having a soft heart before the Lord is the place to be. May we be humbled in the sight of the Lord, a knowing that His grace is what saves us and what we must cling too. That is my prayer today and may my heart always sing...

All the way, my Savior leads me, who have I to ask beside?

How could I doubt His tender mercy, who through life has been my guide?

All the way, my Savior leads me, and cheers each winding path I tread,

And gives me grace for every trial, feeds me with the Living Bread.

All the way, my Savior leads me. O, the fullness of His love.

O the sureness of His promise, in the triumph of His blood.

When my spirit clothed immortal, wings its flight to realms of day,

This my song through endless ages, Jesus leads me all the way.

Jesus, me all the way!

You lead me, and keep me from falling

You carry me, close to your heart

And surely your goodness and mercy will follow me

It will follow me.

The Idolatry of Misplaced Hope...

Hope...a word that evokes thoughts of my Saviour, Jesus Christ. He alone is my hope, my salvation and my everything. I cannot imagine placing my trust, my hope or my desires into anything other than Him but I find I still perform some act of idolatry almost daily. Having an idol is merely looking to something or someone else other than God alone. It's not always the golden calf image that wrecks our loyalty to Jesus. It can be more subtle in things like our personal 'image', people liking us, money, spouses, jobs and so on. Anything that takes precedence over Christ can easily become an idol. Sadly, we often become much like those things in which we place our trust.

As I've watched news bytes, sound clips and read various articles over the recent inauguration events, I have been struck by how much misplaced hope there is and especially so among professing Christian's. I do not understand how/why anyone can place hope on the shoulders of any man (or woman) who cannot bear the weight of the government. I remember reading somewhere that Jesus handles all of that. Now, before you get yourself in a tussie, please know I am not saying God fell asleep or was napping on the job when our elections came around. Nothing has taken Him by surprise and I am so thankful for that! Our hope is never to be placed in a man or woman, no matter what his/her belief's are, no matter how many promises are made and no matter who that person believes in, even if that person is a Christian. To do so, is honestly another form of idolatry and it can be so subtle, clad with dreams of change, aspirations and so forth.

What concerns me is I see and hear so many people are placing their hope in a man and any human ability to bring them hope or change to their everyday life. This in itself bothers me. Have we opted to hear only the words of our own hearts desire? I am so amazed how much like the Israelites we have become. Remember in the Old Testament, where Israel demanded a King? This was not God's first intention or His desire for that place was to be His alone. Yet, He gave His children what they asked for and that tradition has been handed down for generations. It's almost like God Himself, the Creator of the Universe is somehow not enough for us. Oh yes, we say things like how we know God is with us or is out there for us but instead of running into His open arms, we choose to run towards a man, an office or a title. If I consider (trust) another human being, his/her ability or policies to somehow bring me hope, then I have betrayed my Jesus.

According to Scripture in Matthew 10:34-39, the Bible says Christ same to divide; to separate, if you will, good from evil, good things from the best things and man things from Godly things. It reminds me of a test of sorts - something to make clear where one's loyalty may rest:

Matthew 10:34-39 (Amplified Bible)
Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to part asunder a man from his father, and a daughter from her mother, and a newly married wife from her mother-in-law-And a man's foes will be they of his own household.He who loves [and takes more pleasure in] father or mother more than [in] Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves [and takes more pleasure in] son or daughter more than [in] Me is not worthy of Me; And he who does not take up his cross and follow Me [cleave steadfastly to Me, conforming wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying also] is not worthy of Me.
Whoever finds his [lower] life will lose it [the higher life], and whoever loses his [lower] life on My account will find it [the higher life].

Is Jesus enough for you? Do you trust Him enough to run to Him for everything? Will you be or are you loyal to Him alone? To whom do you place your trust, your hope? It is in verse 38 where it really strikes me. "And he who does not take up his cross and follow Me [cleave steadfastly to Me, conforming wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying also] is not worthy of Me. To what or whom do I cleave? Is it my spouse, my children, my life, my political affiliation, my church? Do I conform to His example? Do I conform wholly? Is there any part of myself where I place hope in someone or something OTHER than Christ? Examination begins from within but not without the Light of Christ to bring everything out into the open. Lord, Jesus help me!

Now, I do believe we should pray for those in government. Just realize there is a subtlety that exists to place our trust in government, in systems or in man. This flies in the very face of our loyalty to Christ alone. Kingdoms will rise and kingdoms will fall but Jesus Christ and HIS Kingdom will stand forever. I long for purity of heart, purity of Spirit and purity in my obedience to the Master. Only by His grace, His love and mercy can I continue the journey towards being His.

Walking in White...

Have you ever walked in the snow at night? Or just before dawn? I did just that this morning and it was beautiful! With a dim light coming from the barn roof lamp, the snow sparkled like diamonds around my feet. As I shuffled along in my boots, I kicked up clouds of what seemed to be precious jewel dust and watched it fall silently to the ground to sparkle once more. The silence outdoors just before dawn is welcoming to my ears. It is in these times I can hear the voice of God speak so clearly.

Even yesterday, as I plodded to the barn for early morning chores, the Lord got my attention once again in the snow. It was a continuation of sorts from earlier in the morning as He showed me a bit more about His grace. With each step, God brought to my spirit how we must learn to walk in His grace. It should be effortless and with a quiet confidence in the completeness of His gift in Christ. But we tend to make things far more difficult than they really are, turning our love walk into a man-pleasing arena of works.

I thought about a friend of mine who shared recently how she was struggling in her faith. She has grown tired of the mundane routine of 'church' and longs for intimacy with Jesus. She cannot seem to find the real Jesus in church, only organizational meeting places where her loyalty to the Lord is measured by the amount of service to a ministry. Her words echoed a philosophy of works teaching that has been handed down to her for years, which she took as truth. Only now, she finds an emptiness and lack of depth that is unsettling to her spirit. As she waits on the Lord, she said she thought she was doing everything right: praying, sending offerings to churches she doesn't attend, supporting various local ministries, even giving of her time for some very good causes. As she poured our her heart and frustration, I sensed the Lord prompting me to give her a gentle reminder of the simplicity of the Gospel.

His words were to tell my friend that nothing can ever gained by doing things for the Lord. In fact, when we attempt to gain His favour by performance - even while doing good things - we have failed Christ. The only way we can come to Jesus is with the death of ourselves. There is nothing we can do to earn the favour of God. We cannot gain understanding or acceptance if we are still trying to come to Him in our own ability. While we talked, I shared some words of Oswald Chambers as they came to mind. "Beware of anything that competes with loyalty to Jesus Christ. The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him. It is easier to serve than to be drunk to the dregs. The one aim of the call of God is the satisfaction of God, not a call to do something for Him."

Isn't it strange to our earthly ears when we hear the things of God as total opposites of man? I recall hearing a minister once say Christianity was the only 'religion' that says, "in order to really live, you first have to die" That statement has stuck with me a long time. During my snow walk, I was also reminded of a devotional entry in My Utmost for His Highest:

DO YOU WALK IN WHITE? "Buried with Him ... that ... even so we also should walk in newness of life." Romans 6:4. One enters into the experience of entire sanctification without going through a "white funeral" - the burial of the old life. If there has never been this crisis of death, sanctification is nothing more than a vision. There must be a "white funeral," - a death that has only one resurrection - a resurrection into the life of Jesus Christ. Nothing can upset such a life, it is one with God for one purpose, to be a witness to Him.Have you come to your last days really? You have come to them often in sentiment, but have you come to them really? You cannot go to your funeral in excitement, or die in excitement. Death means you stop being. Do you agree with God that you stop being the striving,earnest kind of Christian you have been? We skirt the cemetery and all the time refuse to go to death. It is not striving to go to death, it is dying - "baptized into His death."Have you had your "white funeral," or are you sacredly playing the fool with your soul? Is there a place in your life marked as the last day, a place to which the memory goes back with a chastened and extraordinarily grateful remembrance - "Yes, it was then, at that 'white funeral,' that I made an agreement with God.""This is the will of God, even your sanctification." When you realize what the will of God is, you will enter into sanctification as naturally as can be. Are you willing to go through that "white funeral" now? Do you agree with Him that this is your last day on earth? The moment of agreement depends upon you."

My precious Lord, help me to walk in Your grace and in the new life You have given to me. Continually guide my steps as I walk in Your perfect will for my life. Renew me this day in my pursuit of Your best, of knowing you intimately, personally and eternally. Show me, Lord, the things that distract me from Your presence and from doing Your will. Give me the strength to release those things which delay me from reaching You. Thank you Jesus, for your precious gift of grace! Help me never to take You for granted, lovingly walking in Your ways, Your light and Your will. I want to walk in white, in Your grace and in Your completeness. I love you, Jesus!

Grace like snow...

This past weekend has brought some of the coldest temperatures I have ever experienced with the thermometer dropping to -10 degrees Friday morning. Saturday morning was no different, in fact a couple of degrees colder and feeling more bitter than the day before. My husband managed to snap a photo from the porch, which reflects -12 degrees or so to document the frigid 'event'. A few of our oldest sheep were shivering in the barn, along with two of my oldest horses. I hustled through the feeding chores both days since my husband was called out to work so often. Cold temps such as these keep the natural gas business employees quite busy. Fortunately, the forecast has allowed for some more moderating weather, although it has brought snow in abundance since Sunday.

It is quite peaceful to be outdoors as the snow falls. Everywhere you look there is a blanket of white. Birds flock to the feeders, hoping for an easy meal of seeds and suet. The sheep are eagerly munching on their hay bales and the turkeys pace atop their shelter roof, seemingly not wanting to get their feet wet. The dogs seem to love the white stuff and long to be outdoors, free to romp and play. Even my old basset hound/house dog, Josey, likes a long walk on days like this.

The newest addition to household is Wally, a collie pup who has been with us about a week now. After 10 years, its seems I have caved into what I call 'puppy fever' much to my family's dismay. I must admit that in those first few days, I questioned my decision frequently (like with each leash-lead potty trip, every 20 minutes). The first night I cried quiet tears of 'what was I thinking' questions and seriously debated calling the breeder to return him. Sleep interruption of the smallest sort frays my nerves rather quickly so I know better than to make 'rash' decisions. Wally is a smart fellow, very loving and affectionate. He is also very much a puppy, requiring constant supervision - something I have grown accustomed to NOT having to do with my ten year old basset hound. I must say he has adapted to our home quickly and learned the ropes of potty training within about 48 hours. He will go to the door and paw at it when he needs outside. You just have to make sure you are in the same room when he does that! Perhaps my family will extend to me the grace and forgiveness I seem to need so often these days. I'm sure there is a lesson to be learned in all of this too and I pray for the understanding to come.

Wally

At least I need not worry about the Grace that comes from my Heavenly Father. Like the snow, it falls effortlessly and rhythmically towards the earth, covering a multitude of surfaces (i.e. self and all that comes with it). You don't have to do anything to be touched my His grace, love and mercy - no trace of human effort amounts to anything eternal. Simply being before Him and allowing the blood of Christ to wash over you is there just for the asking. I need Him so desperately this day! Cover me Lord, in Your mercy. Wash over me and through me. Make me clean and as white as this new fallen snow. Forgive me Lord of all that isn't of You, show me the err of my ways and allow me to turn from sin, always looking to Jesus for strength. I cannot do this on my own and I am so thankful I do not have to trust in my own inability.

The snow continues to fall from the sky, effortlessly and rhythmically, like grace from the heaven's above. May every snowfall remind you of His mercy, His love and His unending gift of grace, through His Son, Jesus Christ!