Neglecting the Gift

This morning, I had the heart wrenching task of finding a beloved sheep dead in my barn. It appeared that she had eaten grain way too fast and was not able to free it from her throat. Basically, she choked to death. While my husband had done the feeding chores last evening, he casually mentioned how this sheep was really gobbling down her food and had begun coughing some when he was leaving the barn.  Sadly, I dismissed his comment ever so casually and went on to other tasks at hand inside the house. This was a grave error on my behalf.

When I began doing my chores this morning, I could not find this ewe. But, in the stir of a hungry flock, I completed the grain feeding and began to count the sheep at the trough. There was one missing. As I passed through the barn, I caught a glimpse of a sheep leg, lying in a stall to one side and my heart stopped. Sometimes, you just know and yet the hope of it not being too late still rises up. This was not the case today. It was evident she had died last night, unable to fully cough up the grain she had so eagerly welcomed just awhile before.

Through my tears, I hugged her and said how sorry I was. I should have asked my husband more questions about how exactly she was behaving and maybe I could have gotten there sooner. Better yet, I should have gone down to the barn to check on her, just to be sure. But I hadn't and now, there was nothing more I could do except to begin the task of having to bury my woolly friend.

And, it was in these very moments, God began convicting my heart, ever so gently and only as a Father can. You see, lately I have been content to just go the motions of every day and simply existing within it. I have neglected to see each one as precious yet full of uncertainty. Most of all, I have failed to look at things in the light of eternity. My eyes have so clouded with the hum-drum that life can sometimes throw at you. And it is during the boring repetition that I find it can be easy for me just to shut down emotionally, to flip that proverbial "switch" so that I feel nothing therefore I do nothing. Just trying to get through another day...Apathy breeds nothing but contempt for the Truth.

For so long, I have hidden behind the cloak of not knowing my place in this world, that thing I am supposed to be doing for the Kingdom -- you know, the one thing that seems so elusive to you and that if only you could somehow find it, life would be complete. Everything would be rosy and you could simply do what God wanted you to do. That is a mask I have hidden behind for the past year. A mask that simply has hidden a need for control. Not the kind of control where I would be able to somehow be able to change or manipulate things but simply the control of knowing. In my own mind, if you know that you are supposed to be doing, then things are so much easier, right?

Such little faith in what the Father can do if only I would trust Him. Isn't that what it boils down to? A lack of trust? For me, this is so apparent lately. Even as I questioned what had happened to my sheep this morning, my focus was more on what I could have done for her. It is very possible there may not have been anything that would have changed things. I guess for me it was more about my failure to do anything that was so difficult for me today. This is difficult because it seems to be a reflection on so many of my actions lately. Not that my doing anything would have an affect but the fact I felt nothing, no urgent need to double check, no concern really, just an "oh, she'll be OK; after all, she's done that before and nothing happened" attitude.

So, here I am in the barn trying to see through all my tears as I fill the hay troughs, wondering "What the heck, God???" And then, my mind is brought to the little sub-heading under this blog where it reads:

Day to day thoughts and happenings often fall by the way-side left untouched to reasoning behind it all. The book of Ecclesiastes says "...there is a time and purpose for everything under Heaven...". To me, this means nothing, NOTHING, goes unnoticed by our Heavenly Father, no matter how large or small we may think it is. With that in mind, how much more should we consider (and reconsider) our every thought, action, reaction, etc. ?

How much more should we consider and reconsider our every thought, action and reaction? Think on that! Our action and reaction affects so much more than we can ascertain in this temporal life. Our failure to even take the first step in faith, without knowing what lies ahead can affect the outcomes of many. What if we never shared our faith? How many might perish without ever knowing Christ? What if we simply were faithful in those small things and didn't worry about the bigger things? What if we went forth in the planting of those seeds God has given us and not concentrated so much on watching them develop. Sometimes we are to plant, other times God allows us to reap the harvest. And its not always in the same field.

You see, sometimes doing nothing affects far more than we may ever realize. Doing nothing, while it keeps up in a numb state of existence, it wrecks havoc on our relationships, especially with Christ. Doing nothing is totally different than "waiting on the Lord" (a nice cover, by the way). It's the complete opposite. Doing nothing has no outcome, no goal, no set achievement to be made. When you are waiting on something, you have an expectation of something to happen. Doing nothing is a road full of regrets. It is a place of apathy, a state of numbness and lack of feeling.  A sort of apostasy, if you will. 

This is a dangerous place to be. Apostasy can be defined as "abandonment of previous loyalty; defection". The Bible warns us about the Great Apostasy, the great falling away that must occur before the antichrist is revealed. 2 Thessalonians 2-4 reads "Now, dear brothers and sisters, let us clarify some things about the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and how we will be gathered to meet him. Don’t be so easily shaken or alarmed by those who say that the day of the Lord has already begun. Don’t believe them, even if they claim to have had a spiritual vision, a revelation, or a letter supposedly from us. Don’t be fooled by what they say. For that day will not come until there is a great rebellion against God and the man of lawlessness is revealed—the one who brings destruction. He will exalt himself and defy everything that people call god and every object of worship. He will even sit in the temple of God, claiming that he himself is God."   

This is a scripture I have been reading for several mornings lately and it wasn't totally clear to me as to why until today. God loves each one us way too much to leave us in a place we are not meant to be. This state of apathy, void of feeling and desire to do His perfect will, is not a happy place. It's a place of existence but without true life. I have been walking this fine line of going through the motions of life to avoid feeling its disappointments and I have been robbed of its joys in the process. I have allowed apathy to invade my life in various aspects and its numbing affect is quite apparent lately. 

God showed me this morning that I have concentrated more on knowing His plan than in seeking His plan. I have wanted to see the result before taking the first step. I have wanted to get to the end of the road rather than simply walk with Him along the path. And I've missed out on the journey itself. It is in the journey that we find His joy.

We are not promised a life free of disappointments. In fact, scripture plainly tells us "...in the world, you will have tribulation..." John 16:33. This is an inescapable truth: Trials will come, tribulations will test our faith. But Christ also says, "...but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world" again in John 16:33. We must faithfully take each moment of every day, fully trusting Him to lead and guide us, not jumping ahead into next week to see what lies ahead. Faith must drive us, it must guide us in these last days in which we live. Without faith, do we have any hope of the life Christ has for us?

In closing, God brought me back to 1 Timothy 4:14-16:

"Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the eldership. Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you."

Let it be so, Lord, let it be so.

God's infinite knowledge of me...

Psalm 139 ~ God’s infinite knowledge of man, and also one of my most favorite books of the Bible. David was a man after God’s own heart and his acknowledgement of God’s sheer awesomeness and divinity is present in the words of this scripture. David poured out himself before the Lord on many occasions, in good times and in bad, yet his heart remained in a continual state of yearning for truly knowing the Lord.

I am convinced that God knows the depths of my very being and there is no use in trying to hide feelings, frustrations or other emotions from Him. He knows me intimately and yet He loves me anyway. I find this amazing! Despite all my short comings, my failures and even in my meager successes, He still loves me deeply. Before Him, I can be naked and not ashamed. Transparency does not come easy but it really is the only way to approach His presence. Anyone who knows anything about the presence of God knows that anything impure or unholy will burn up before Him. God cannot look upon sin and I am so thankful the blood of His precious Son, Jesus, covers me in grace and restores my fellowship with The Holy One.

Some time ago, God gave me a marvelous revelation at an old Coke bottle I found while on a mission trip in Honduras:
People filter in and out of the room daily, yet no one notices the empty bottle.
To them, it is a shell of what is left of a former good thing, no longer with any use.
It used to be filled with an intoxicatingly sweet, sparkling drink. It used to could claim it was the “real thing” but that was when it had something of itself bottled up inside.
Now, the empty bottle has nothing remaining, only a scratched glass frame. This bottle reminds me of how God needs us to be. To the casual observer, this is merely an empty, worn out, fragile remnant of former greatness. To God, it’s a perfect vessel merely waiting on His Divine touch.

The emptiness of our former selves allows God to fill us with His Living Water to an overflowing that we can no longer contain. He alone is the Real Thing. Everything else is just a sticky, sweet liquid that is all happy and bubbly when you first try it but always goes flat when left to its own ability. The tiredness we experience is a daily reminder that we cannot function within our own abilities or strength. We cannot serve both God and man just as we cannot please both God and man. It is only in our weakness that He is made strong. And only then can He increase because we are decreasing. The pride of our own “self” leaves no room for fragility. Our hearts must remain tender and broken in order for Him to work deeply within us.

Above all else, we must remain transparent before Him so that the world no longer sees any part of ourselves, our name or what we used to be. His light must be able to shine thru our emptiness. We must be poured out of everything we exist of in order for Him to complete His good work. In looking thru the scratched, broken shell of what remains, the world should see the reflection of Jesus Christ. Nothing else matters.

Psalm 139, God’s Infinite Knowledge of Man
“God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I’m an open book to You; even from a distance, You know what I’m thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I’m never out of Your sight. You know everything I’m going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and You’re there, then up ahead and You’re there too – You’re reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful – I can’t take it all in.

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid Your Spirit? To be out of Your sight? If I climb to the sky, You’re there! If I go underground, You’re there! If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, You’d find me in a minute – You’re already there waiting! Then I said to myself, ‘Oh, He even sees me in the dark! At night, I’m immersed in the light!’ It’s a fact; darkness isn’t dark to You; night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to You.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; You formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God – You’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration – what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before You, the days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived on day. Your thoughts – how rare, how beautiful! God, I’ll never comprehend them! I couldn’t even begin to count them – any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with You!”

…..”Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; cross examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; see for Yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong – the guide me on the road of eternal life.” The Message Remix


Lord, Jesus…my prayer today is that I not stray from your manifest presence. Teach me to walk in Your ways, to seek Your face and remain forever surrendered to Your will. Let my heart sing today…Have Thine own way, Lord, have Thine own way.
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.
Mould me and make me, after Thy will,
While I am waiting, yielded and still.
Have Thine own way, Lord, have Thine own way.
Search me and try me, Master, today
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now
As in Thy presence, I humbly bow.
Have Thine own way, Lord, have Thine own way.
Wounded and weary, help me I pray.
Power, all power, surely is Thine,
Touch me and heal me, Saviour divine!
Have Thine own way, Lord, have Thine own way.
Hold over my being, absolute sway
Fill with Thy Spirit, ‘till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me.