I've taken some time off from posting to this blog, among other things and it seems to be the right time to begin again. Perhaps from the start of a new year, a new decade or simply because winter has set in so fully, there is not much else to keep me occupied (aside from housework).
New Year's Resolutions have never been a top priority for me. The reasons vary really....mostly from knowing I won't keep something up for very long, unless it burns deeply within me. Even then, the routine of of it all tends to draw down on whatever reserves I may have set aside for continuing on. This year isn't really any different other than the fact I have had some realizations during this time off.
During my much need de-tox from the obligatory church attendance, I found myself swirling around somewhat aimlessly at times. One of the most important realizations I stumbled upon was how my relationship with the Lord was more tangled in my own perfunctory attendance that I ever imagined. It's kinda easy to sit back and be the one who talks about what all is wrong with mainstream 'church' and not totally embrace its profound effect within my own life. A scripture comes to mind where Jesus talks about removing the log in my own eye before attempting to help my brother with the splinter in his. (See Luke 6:41) Other translations include the phrase "thou hypocrite", which exactly describes my attitude at times.
One must be wary as to what they speak for or speak against. I have seen first-hand how one can become the very thing we supposedly detest the most. I've seen in it others but I have seen it in myself as well. Perhaps, in some way, that may be a fine example of how we receive judgement upon ourselves when we judge others. I don't' know, that is merely a thought that crossed my mind. An interesting thought, to say the least....
So, if I were to make a resolution of sorts, it would be something like this:
As I rely on God's Grace, I will not try to be anything or anyone that I am not. I will not adapt myself, my morals, my convictions or my beliefs to any one situation to fit in or be accepted by another. If I have 'sold out' totally for my Lord, then what another thinks is insignificant. I will not compromise my relationship with my Father for relationship with a man, a woman, a cause, nor even my own morals, convictions and beliefs. My relationship with Christ far outweighs my need for any of those things, as they are temporal and fleeting. As I rely on God's Grace, I will look upon others with compassion, not judgement for their failings are no more impressive than my own. I refuse to wear any mask, religious or otherwise, that would belittle my fellow brother or sister, regardless of their actions. I will clothe myself in the inexhaustible Love of Jesus, extending the same hand to them as is extended to me from Heaven. The blood of Christ was shed so that ALL might come to Him and know Him personally as Savior and Lord.
As I rely on God's Grace, I admit my own short-comings and failures, for they are indeed many. I will not, however, use that precious Grace as a crutch to continued sin. As I bare myself before the Father, I am certain He accepts me just as I am. His love pours out upon me without any effort of my own. He adores my brokenness and is closer to me at any given moment than the air I breathe. It is in this brokenness, that I am made whole in Him. There is nothing I can do, good or otherwise, to earn His love and acceptance. It is already there and always has been. He loves me way too much for me to comprehend, to begin to fathom that leaves me awestruck.
As I rely on God's Grace, I will allow myself to feel again. Emotions may be fickle and not trustworthy but God gave them to us for a purpose. They are not to be relied upon but I do realize that Jesus 'felt' things as I do. He wept, he was angry, he became frustrated, upset and so on, just like me. It was during these times, He clung to His Father all the more, doing the will of His father, not His own. I must allow His grace to overtake me completely, in my emotions too so that I can maintain my love walk with Him. Denying hurt, pain, joy or happiness only creates another facet of the fake me. I will not do that.
And finally, I acknowledge "...all things work together for good to those who love the Lord, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) I want His purposes to be be my purposes. THE MESSAGE reads that same verse as "That's why we can be sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." I cannot despise my past, for every detail has been shaped into God's purpose. My past does not dictate my future but has definitely had an effect on who I am. Nothing has gone unnoticed by my Father, nothing at all. I rest in the assurance He is fully aware of where I am, yet He remains unshaken in His good will towards me. His love is unfathomable once gain. Awe and wonder prevail!
So, as I attempt to continue writing, blogging, sharing (whatever you want to call it), I first want to be transparent myself before the Father. I don't want people to look at me and see me, my accomplishments, my musings or anything about me. I simply want people to know Jesus and the Lord chooses to work through me, I want to be fully aware of His presence and His will for that given moment. If He chooses simply for me to minister unto Him, then so be it. What an amazing calling!
Only in Him do I find completeness...
