Have mercy on me, a sinner...

As the holiday time arrives and winter unleashes its frozen fury, I find myself with a things-to-do list that seems unending. Of course, none of these things are pressing really...I don't have to put of Christmas lights or even a tree for that matter! Just things I like doing and almost feel obligated to do each season.



I am thankful for the fact that I don't have do any one of these things. Funny how I find myself so easily worked up and stressed over the things that aren't done but, in looking at their true importance, I find them lacking any real value. Honestly, I grow tired of all the work I seem to put in such fruitless tasks these days. Questioning truth and value for what is real brings little satisfaction in my consumerist displays of the holiday 'spirit'.



A couple of weeks ago, my neighbor was killed in a car accident. I had to perform my first funeral and truly experienced God's grace in it all. Honestly, this was purely Jesus taking over and walking each of us through our own private pain in this loss. At funerals, when the minister opens some time for others to speak, it is often times only one or two people who opt to share. This day, however, was different and only one or two people DIDN'T speak. They were too overcome with emotion to do so but laughed, cried and shared with everyone. What had been 'scheduled' for about a 15 minutes service lasted more than an hour. Graciously, the funeral home allowed us to finish, which set us upon the pathway to healing. Grief is a most mysterious thing...and such may yet another post, just not for today.

Where was I when my neighbor died? I was in my deer stand hunting. I felt so guilty when I realized this! I wasn't doing anything of real value at that time, just scanning the woods and the internet via my Blackberry at that very moment. So many questions left unanswered, so much left to ponder about the sheer brevity of life. James 4:14 talks about this: "Yet you do not know [the least thing] about what will happen tomorrow. what is the nature of your life? You are [really] but a wisp of vapor (a puff of smoke, a mist) that is visible for a little while and then disappears [into thin air]." Amplified Bible In reading this passage, I am once again gently reminded by God of His vastness and my own frailty. Humbling to consider it all and how often this is taken for granted.



Life is truly a treasure, a gift to be opened and then given back to the One who gave it. I am so guilty of doing my own thing, going my own way and living my own life often without much consideration of the impact I may or may not have. Jesus affected every person He encountered on this earth. I can only hope to walk in His ways, and its only by His Grace that my steps begin again and again. He is so faithful to follow beside me, picking me up along the way and setting me back upon His pathway to real life. I often wonder why He does not grow tired of repeating such things.


Jesus dripped love and mercy, unwavered by obvious sin in those He came across each day. And it is with same undying love and mercy that we are to extend to others. Without judgement, He shared His great love and how passionate the Father is about is children. Why do we find this so difficult or, should I say, so easy to slip away from? With Him, all things are possible! Without Him, our struggles overwhelm us and choke out the very life He died to give us. Lately, I have found myself looking through those judgemental attitudes of my own, then wondering how Christ loves me so unreservedly, so passionately and so deeply.


Recently, I read a chat post from a Christian in another state who was participating in prayer vigil outside a newly opened abortion clinic. It was stated the purpose was for Christian's to pray there and the reason actually took me by surprise. Evidently, the purpose of this vigil was so the doctor would not feel welcome there and would pack up, moving somewhere else. I must admit how troubled my spirit is over such an action. What about that doctor's soul? What about his salvation and eternal fate? Did anyone think of him?

I guess the 'Christian' side of social justice is as flawed as the non-Christian ways. I can agree with wanting the killing of unborn children to stop and am glad there are people who are willing to step out in prayer, standing on the gap for those who cannot speak. And, I must admit, I wouldn't want an abortion clinic set up in my own back yard either. But who is praying for the doctor who performs those abortions? Who is praying for the nurses and other staff there? Are they any less worthy of God's Grace than I? I think not! Have we, as Christians, become so proud in our 'faith' that we are quick to stand up against wrong doing, denounce the sin so obvious in anothers actions but not once think of what sin in our own? Why do we have the 'us against them' mentality?

I was listening to the radio yesterday afternoon and the story about the Pharisee and the tax collector was read. It talked about how the Pharisee had gone to the temple to pray, ever thankful he was not like 'other men'. He wasn't a robber, an adulterer or other 'evil doer'. He thanked God that he fasted twice a week and paid his tithes. Oh how we, as Christian's, have become so religiously proud of ourselves! Proud in that we place ourselves above the lowly sinner, those lost in this world and are actually glad we aren't like that anymore.

Yet, what captured the heart of God was the tax collector as he prayed. He was so humbled by God's magnificence, he couldn't lift his head towards Heaven. His prayer was simple yet honestly aware of his condition, "God, have mercy on me, a sinner." And Jesus said, "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God." Luke 18:14 (NIV).

Oh God, forgive us, Lord for our pride! Heal our hearts from inner darkness, those places where we have yet to allow Your Light shine. Deliver us, Lord, from ourselves and cause us to walk before you with humble hearts, aware of our condition yet equally aware that, by Your Grace alone, we have life everlasting. God, allow Your Holy Spirit to convict us of judgemental attitudes, of reasoning our way of doing things as right and purify our motives. Let us seek You in all that we do, everything we set our hand to. But most of all, Jesus, work deeply in each of us so that Your love, Your mercy and Your Grace is seen within us. Let us be extensions of Christ, examples in every way so that You are lifted up. May You receive all the Glory God! Teach us to walk humbly before You, and give us wisdom, God, for discerning You in every moment of life. Let us have eyes to see and ears to hear! I pray God, for Your forgiveness, as I confess my faults before you, my sins are many but Your Grace is sufficient. I thank You, Lord, for Your mercy and Your love. Without you, God, I am indeed lost. But with You, Lord, is where I long to be, at Your feet, laying down everything. And once more, I surrender....

In God We Trust...

I thought I would eventually get to posting my Honduras journal but that isn't happening just yet. So, hopefully I can (at some point) post it entirely in some kind of format. Maybe upload as a file, hmm...

This morning, I was reading in Galatians via The Message Remix and have been pondering the Law vs. Grace quite heavily these days. It seems like the church continually wants to resurrect the Law in so many aspects, all the while claiming to be free from it. It does not seem like you can have it both ways though, does it? I mean you can't be a slave to the Law AND be totally free at the same time. The very thought is contradictory in itself.

The Amplified Bible, in Matthew 6:24 reads, "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stand by and be devoted to the one and despise and be against the other. You cannot serve God and mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions, or whatever is trusted in). And it is the "whatever is trusted in" that determines what/whom we are fully serving. Do we place our trust in the One True and Holy God or in our own abilities, accomplishments and plans? For if we do the latter, then we are not doing the former. It just doesn't work!

Over and over again, I read in Galatians about trusting in Christ, not the Law. The more I read, the more convinced I have become that our traditions and teachings that come from many pulpits echos Galatians 4:17 "They eagerly seek you, not commendably, but they wish to shut you out so that you will seek them." (NASB) And I really like how The Message puts that same scripture: " Those heretical teachers go to great lengths to flatter you, but their motives are rotten. They want to shut you out of the free world of God's grace so that you will always depend on them for approval and direction, making them feel important."

This has been so central in my frustration lately, I feel like I will burst if I don't release this word. And, I speak to myself in all of this! God is so good and faithful at showing us our own hearts and what motivates us. I find myself sickened at my own selfishness and tactics self-preservation when I am supposed to 'die daily'. That flesh vs. spiritual battle rears its ugly head once more...but, thankfully, the victory is the Lord's.

The church has become full of old Paul's - you know, that man who continually persecuted Christians for their beliefs until he met Jesus face to face and was transformed from within. Paul was an excellent student of the Law. Paul himself addressed this in the book of Galatians, chapter 1 where he says in verses 13-15: "I'm sure that you've heard the story of my earlier life when I lived in the Jewish way. In those days I went all out in persecuting God's church. I was systematically destroying it. I was so enthusiastic about the traditions of my ancestors that I advanced head and shoulders above my peers in my career. Even then God had designs on me."
What we need is that face to face, blinding encounter with Jesus. Then I wonder why it takes such a thing to get get our attention anyway? Because we are trying to do it all ourselves....that's why!

The purpose of the Law was "...to make obvious to everyone that we are, in ourselves, out of right relationship with God, and therefore to show us the futility of devising some religious system for getting by our own efforts what we can only get by waiting in faith for God to complete his promise. For if any kind of rule-keeping had power to create life in us, we would certainly have gotten it by this time. " Galatians 3:21-22.

So what was this promise we are waiting on? Faith in Jesus, being set right in our relationship to the Father God through Jesus Christ. Galatians 23-27, "Until the time when we were mature enough to respond freely in faith to the living God, we were carefully surrounded and protected by the Mosaic law. The law was like those Greek tutors, with which you are familiar, who escort children to school and protect them from danger or distraction, making sure the children will really get to the place they set out for. But now you have arrived at your destination: By faith in Christ you are in direct relationship with God. Your baptism in Christ was not just washing you up for a fresh start. It also involved dressing you in an adult faith wardrobe—Christ's life, the fulfillment of God's original promise. "

The free life in Christ does not involve any other mediator other than Jesus. A priest, pastor, teacher, prophet, apostle or can never make you right with God. Their purpose, according to scripture, is to point you to the One who can -- Jesus Christ. The Promise of God's plan has been restoring His children back to Himself, through faith and relationship in Jesus. Being dependent on any man or woman to make you right with God is futile and will indeed result in eternal separation from God. If you do not know Jesus, you are lost. Some will talk about Jesus, placing a a God tag on every effort they can muster yet they never know Him. Jesus not only wants you to know Him, He wants you to allow Him to know you - your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your failures, every detail (large or small). He does not condemn you or turn you away, He will never leave you or forsake you. His touch is gentle, never pushy or overbearing. And His yoke is easy, His burden is light.

Galatians 3:10-12, "...anyone who tries to live by his own effort, independent of God, is doomed to failure. Scripture backs this up: "Utterly cursed is every person who fails to carry out every detail written in the Book of the law." The obvious impossibility of carrying out such a moral program should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way. The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. Habakkuk had it right: "The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that's the real life." Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: "The one who does these things [rule-keeping] continues to live by them."

It is impossible to earn your way to God or to earn His approval by any means other than Jesus. Even those who have asked Christ into their hearts still have that fleshly tendency to strive and strive in working FOR God, doing things for Him when we really don't have to or need to. Jesus died for our freedom from the flesh and its dead ways. He rose again, giving us victory to do all things THROUGH CHRIST because He alone is our strength.

I encourage you this day with this word:

But Jesus' priestly work far surpasses what these other priests do, since he's working from a far better plan. If the first plan—the old covenant—had worked out, a second wouldn't have been needed. But we know the first was found wanting, because God said, Heads up! The days are coming when I'll set up a new plan for dealing with Israel and Judah. I'll throw out the old plan I set up with their ancestors when I led them by the hand out of Egypt. They didn't keep their part of the bargain, so I looked away and let it go. This new plan I'm making with Israel isn't going to be written on paper, isn't going to be chiseled in stone; This time I'm writing out the plan in them, carving it on the lining of their hearts.I'll be their God, they'll be my people. They won't go to school to learn about me, or buy a book called God in Five Easy Lessons. They'll all get to know me firsthand, the little and the big, the small and the great. They'll get to know me by being kindly forgiven, with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean.By coming up with a new plan, a new covenant between God and his people, God put the old plan on the shelf. And there it stays, gathering dust."

Leave your old ways, plans and programs on the shelf. Awaken to a new life, one of freedom in Christ alone!

Honduras journal...a prelude

This will be a series of entries over the next several days as excerpted by my journal from my recent Honduras trip. My thoughts are not in any particular order so bear with the randomness of my thought process along the way. God is indeed working behind the scenes and I am trying not to get in His way.

TUESDAY, July 14, 2009...Two more days until I leave for Honduras. There are so many things left still for me to do and yet time slipping away so quickly. This happens daily but I guess I am much more aware of it when I have a schedule or deadline to maintain. I don't like schedules, too restraining and box like. Ugh! With two days left to prepare, excitement, anticipation and a sense of awe and wonder wash over me unexpectedly through the days of late. I went to Living Waters Church this past Sunday. The congregation prayed for me, along with Samuel, Sarah, Alvin and the MEH ministry (http://www.mehonduras.org). Being out of organized church for a few weeks is very foreign to me and I do miss corporate worship. I was very thankful for being part of a group of folks just loving on Jesus that morning. The simple, non-orchestrated or hyped service was very refreshing and certainly a welcome change from the church I recently came out of. I don't think I could take any more services of loud music right now. It's just where God has me right now.

I'm already tired today. I kind of feel like my body is fighting off a cold and my left ear still has water in it from being at the lake a few days ago. And now, my belly is acting weird but all is well! We departure for the airport tomorrow evening since our plane leaves so early on Thursday morning. Sarah's parents, Kim and Joe are driving Samuel and myself to the airport to catch the plane. I'm sure Sam will be glad to see his sister again and I pray God continues working within his heart for this trip especially. I got the duffle bags packed yesterday with all the supplies & donations we plan to take down. My dehydrator went on the blink so I had to borrow Kim's to finish up on the deer jerky for Alvin. I suppose I could make a to-do list but am certain I would be overwhelmed by it all right now. So, for now, I will continue to plug along at my mental list, even it seems hit and miss right now.

Mike left for a training session in Charleston this morning. This training coincides with my trip and I doubt we get to see each other again before I leave tomorrow night. So it most likely will be 10 days before we see each other again. Maybe he can drive home just for a bit, I don't know. It's 2+ hours away and who knows what their training sessions will be like.

Doc called and I need to cover a shift for Connie at the vet office today. I really need this down time to pack but also sense something is up that needs to be taken care of there. I trust God knows what He is doing. I hope I'm not too tired to write later but I'm not planning on doing anything. Making our own plans tends to thwart the God-dependency we all so much need but avoid. It's not about being prepared rather in planning the day or our time so much we typically leave little or any room for God to reveal Himself. It boils down to control and, while I am in Honduras, I am so not in control of anything. Right now, this is what I need the most - total God-dependency and trust. A sigh of relief comes.....