Going thru the motions....

March was a weird month....just odd really and feeling a bit out of touch recently. I guess "blogging" does not have to contain some profound revelation every time I post so I hope to jot some lines more often, unless God directs otherwise. My prayers have been HIS WILL, not mine and sometimes this has come at my own "disappointment". I use that word because I still have live flesh hanging around in my God-walk and it pains me to sacrifice what "self" still lives. As Paul said, "I die daily..." and this proves to be a much longer process than I ever imagined.

Normally, this is a busy time of year around the farm with active lambing but we did not breed our ewe flock in the fall -- first time in eight years! Drought conditions last summer and slow sales contributed to our decision but so have high hay and supplemental grain prices. This fall looks to have soaring corn prices, among other grains and we have to make some additional flock reductions over the spring and summer months. Since some of our Jacobs took breeding matters quite seriously, we still had a few lambs born at the beginning and the end of the month. Blessed to have had easy deliveries, healthy babies and all mom's doing well. I miss having lambs here this year but know our decision to hold off was the right one.

Here in WV, the daffodils are blooming, along with the forsythia. I can detect some small blossoms on the apple trees but no blooms just yet. Weather forecast indicates a snow/rain mix by week's end. And such is the likes of Spring! My bush cherries are in bloom and some new seeding bushes need transplanting. I lost one of my mature bush cherries over the winter. :( Looks like excess water may have built up around the roots and possibly froze the poor thing solid. There are many perennials I have to divide this spring, some to share and some to transplant at the cabin. I don't have near as much shade there as I do around the house so some of my favorite one's have limited space there. My bleeding hearts are a personal favorite -- I can see a few inches of their foliage above ground now. Now if I can just complete my spring mulching....:)

I am also missing Honduras very much these days. I visit the ME website (www.mehonduras.org) frequently to see familiar faces, read up on the recent newsletters, look at the base camp (for the umteenth thousandth time) and all the while longing to return. Somewhere deep in my spirit, I know I will go back and hopefully, for a longer time period. My family thinks I'm nuts and that is OK. I would love to spend Christmas in Tegucigalpa, experiencing different "traditions" and have something other than ham or turkey! Fresh pineapple comes to mind...oh, wait! Maybe that was dessert. At any rate, I am sure anything Nubie (sp?) prepares would be a blessing. The thought of seeing Christ, in Christmas and in Honduras is an amazingly awesome thought. Your Will, Lord, Yours alone.

Praying today and thanking the Lord for another beautiful day of life. It seems easy to do today with warm sunshine, chirping birds and watching the wild turkey flocks above the pond. Why is our thankfulness always so seemingly "tied" into our own emotions rather than directed from our hearts out of adoration of our Heavenly Father? Lord, forgive me for being so shallow and relying on feelings or emotions of late in my praises to you. You alone are awesome and deserve the highest praise. My worship is to You alone and I honor you, Holy One.

Reading the Word and just hovering in the Book of Matthew recently. One particular scripture has been on my heart so much lately and I know the Lord is calling me to purge "self" even more.

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone desires to be my disciple, let him deny himself, disregard, lose sight of and forget himself and his own interests, and take up his cross and follow Me, cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living, and, if need be, in dying also. For whoever is bent on saving his temporal life, his comfort and security here, shall lose it, eternal life; and whoever loses his life, his comfort and security here, for My sake shall find it, life everlasting." Matthew 16:24-25, Amplified Bible

Examining my own life in this light of scripture reveals to me how much of my life rests within my own interests and within myself. Oh, how this pains me to know how I failed Him in this so many times and how desperately I need His Grace! As I give Him my heart, my whole everything, my prayer is only that He give me His heart, His desires, His wants in its place. Nothing more, nothing less -- just you Jesus.

God's infinite knowledge of me...

Psalm 139 ~ God’s infinite knowledge of man, and also one of my most favorite books of the Bible. David was a man after God’s own heart and his acknowledgement of God’s sheer awesomeness and divinity is present in the words of this scripture. David poured out himself before the Lord on many occasions, in good times and in bad, yet his heart remained in a continual state of yearning for truly knowing the Lord.

I am convinced that God knows the depths of my very being and there is no use in trying to hide feelings, frustrations or other emotions from Him. He knows me intimately and yet He loves me anyway. I find this amazing! Despite all my short comings, my failures and even in my meager successes, He still loves me deeply. Before Him, I can be naked and not ashamed. Transparency does not come easy but it really is the only way to approach His presence. Anyone who knows anything about the presence of God knows that anything impure or unholy will burn up before Him. God cannot look upon sin and I am so thankful the blood of His precious Son, Jesus, covers me in grace and restores my fellowship with The Holy One.

Some time ago, God gave me a marvelous revelation at an old Coke bottle I found while on a mission trip in Honduras:

People filter in and out of the room daily, yet no one notices the empty bottle. To them, it is a shell of what is left of a former good thing, no longer with any use. It used to be filled with an intoxicatingly sweet, sparkling drink. It used to could claim it was the “real thing” but that was when it had something of itself bottled up inside. Now, the empty bottle has nothing remaining, only a scratched glass frame. This bottle reminds me of how God needs us to be. To the casual observer, this is merely an empty, worn out, fragile remnant of former greatness. To God, it’s a perfect vessel merely waiting on His Divine touch. The emptiness of our former selves allows God to fill us with His Living Water to an overflowing that we can no longer contain. He alone is the Real Thing. Everything else is just a sticky, sweet liquid that is all happy and bubbly when you first try it but always goes flat when left to its own ability. The tiredness we experience is a daily reminder that we cannot function within our own abilities or strength. We cannot serve both God and man just as we cannot please both God and man. It is only in our weakness that He is made strong. And only then can He increase because we are decreasing. The pride of our own “self” leaves no room for fragility. Our hearts must remain tender and broken in order for Him to work deeply within us. Above all else, we must remain transparent before Him so that the world no longer sees any part of ourselves, our name or what we used to be. His light must be able to shine thru our emptiness. We must be poured out of everything we exist of in order for Him to complete His good work. In looking thru the scratched, broken shell of what remains, the world should see the reflection of Jesus Christ. Nothing else matters.

Psalm 139, God’s Infinite Knowledge of Man
“God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I’m an open book to You; even from a distance, You know what I’m thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I’m never out of Your sight. You know everything I’m going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and You’re there, then up ahead and You’re there too – You’re reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful – I can’t take it all in.

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid Your Spirit? To be out of Your sight? If I climb to the sky, You’re there! If I go underground, You’re there! If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, You’d find me in a minute – You’re already there waiting! Then I said to myself, ‘Oh, He even sees me in the dark! At night, I’m immersed in the light!’ It’s a fact; darkness isn’t dark to You; night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to You.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; You formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God – You’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration – what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before You, the days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived on day. Your thoughts – how rare, how beautiful! God, I’ll never comprehend them! I couldn’t even begin to count them – any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with You!”

…..”Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; cross examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; see for Yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong – the guide me on the road of eternal life.” The Message Remix


Lord, Jesus…my prayer today is that I not stray from your manifest presence. Teach me to walk in Your ways, to seek Your face and remain forever surrendered to Your will. Let my heart sing today…

Have Thine own way, Lord, have Thine own way.
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.
Mould me and make me, after Thy will,
While I am waiting, yielded and still.
Have Thine own way, Lord, have Thine own way.
Search me and try me, Master, today
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now
As in Thy presence, I humbly bow.
Have Thine own way, Lord, have Thine own way.
Wounded and weary, help me I pray.
Power, all power, surely is Thine,
Touch me and heal me, Saviour divine!
Have Thine own way, Lord, have Thine own way.
Hold over my being, absolute sway
Fill with Thy Spirit, ‘till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me.

Willing to be spun...

I sat at my spinning wheel this morning and began to spin some yarn out of a prized fleece. As I spun, God began to open up to me the likeness He has to a spinner. Yes, He is a Master Weaver and we love to wear the robes He creates! But, have we ever considered the preparation that must occur in order for Him to prepare the “garment” of our lives in Him?

Wool comes from sheep ~ it is their outermost garment that keeps them warm in winter and cool in summer. It is their comfort thru rain, sleet, snow and sunshine. Most sheep do not like being sheared because it requires them to be still. Sheep are normally sheared in a seated position, which they also do not like. The process itself normally does not take very long but this depends a lot on the sheep being cooperative. You cannot explain the shearing need to the sheep, they really do not understand. They don’t like feeling naked.

The shearer gets right to “heart” of things by taking off the belly wool first. This wool is unusable and contaminated heavily with dirt, mud, urine – you get the picture. He then starts at the rear leg, coming up the hock, sides and across part of the back. Moving to the front of the sheep (sheep is still seated), the shearer works the front leg much like the rear one. Then, he carefully shears up the neck area and proceeds down the back a bit – almost done now! He can then begin at the bottom leg on the other side and continue shearing in the same manner as the first. It is a careful process all designed to keep the wool intact and in one piece. I am always amazed how the sheep always ends up on its feet as the shearing process is completed.

After the wool has been shorn, it must be skirted. All of the hay particles, dung tags and dirt saturated areas come off first and are easily stripped away. Shaking the fleece can help too, allowing for more loose stuff to fall away. There is usually some imbedded junk that has to be removed by hand. Now, the fleece has to be washed. The soapy water has to be pretty hot to get fleece clean. You can’t agitate or rub the fleece too hard or you will cause it to felt. Rinse in the same way ~ it’s very important that the water temperature remain the same. Hot washing and cold rinsing will cause the wool to shrink into an unusable mess. Clean wool must be dried ~ sunshine and a gentle breeze helps. You may have to turn the fleece over a couple of times but the sunshine and breeze alone are sufficient to complete the task.

Half-way done! Once the wool has been skirted, washed and dried it still has to be picked and carded. Clean wool still holds a lot of “junk” in it, especially tiny thorns from hay matter. You may also find hay and grain particles, which can be difficult to remove. This is the most painstaking task! You will want to break out the hand cards to open up the fleece. Be careful ~ the teeth of a hand card are sharp and direct contact to skin will cause serious injury! A pair of hand cards is used to fluff up the wool and separate the fibers. Combing the fibers in the same direction makes for some really nice roving. Once the fiber is picked apart, it can be closely inspected for deeply imbedded foreign matter. Remove anything that isn’t wool. You should now have roving – a soft, lofty piece of primed wool ready for spinning. You should note, in this present state, the refined wool is easily pulled apart and sways easily in the wind. It does not yet have the strength necessary to endure being worn in its present state.

There is a string on the spindle of the wheel that you must attach the roving to in order to spin wool into yarn. The refined string is threaded thru the eye of the needle. You must place the roving across the string and hold tightly. The wheel can be started by a touch of the hand and treadling begins here. It is important to note the wheel must only travel in ONE direction to spin yarn. As the spinning ensues, the “puff” of roving begins to twist and attach itself to the string. The two separate pieces become one and the wool puff becomes a yarn string, winding thru that small hole, called the eye of the needle.

What was once a fragile puff of wool becomes a sturdy piece of twisted yarn. You might think NOW everything is ready, but wait! Once again, comes a hot soaking to set the twist of the yarn. Without the heat, the yarn quickly becomes unraveled into a lumpy puff of its former state. Another drying process follows and the result is a piece of yarn that is strong, weatherproof, heat-resistant and will not rot. Once the yarn has been thru the refining process, it can now be woven into a wearable garment.

Now the analogy…
The wool here represents our life and what we find comfortable about ourselves. This needs to be removed. God, our Master Shearer, has to have us in a tender vulnerable place of submission to begin His work. He goes right to the worst place first – the belly wool – a place we try so hard to hide from everyone else. The dirtiest dung spot within us is where He tends to begin. At some point in our lives, we have all gotten up from our seated position before the work was through. In the end, we must return to this place “belly up”, if you will, so His work may continue.

I think it’s the nakedness that occurs after the removal of our “wool”, our comfort zones that causes God’s process of refinement in us to take so long. None of us like to be still and certainly not in a seated position, on our rump leaning back to a point where we cannot move. People rarely willingly place themselves in this position of submission so that God can begin His work. Christ set the best example for us to follow: “…and like a lamb before the shearer is silent…” Acts 8:32. He was not afraid to stand before the Shearer because He was not ashamed in His nakedness ~ He did not have a comfort zone.

There is a picking and cleansing process that must occur. For some reason, we all struggle to keep “self” intact, hanging onto to our junk as long as we can. In a sense, we can accomplish anything we set our minds to do in this zone of comfort. But then comes the stripping…the “skirting” within our hearts comes quickly and is following by His lovely washing. Christ cleanses us of all the sin dirt we have collected over the years. He may even shake us from time to time too ~ those are the outer layers of the obvious. It is those times of shaking and picking thru the bits and pieces of ourselves we are fond of that we tend to shy away from. Our Master is always there to gently rub away any trace of impurity. It is done completely and yet He has just begun His great work!

The Son-Shine allows a time for His light to go through and permeate our very being. The gentle wind of the Holy Spirit breathes life into us as we are laid open before Him. “…for there is nothing covered that will not be revealed and nothing hidden that will not be known.” Matthew 10:26, NKJV. The drying time can be difficult because it is a time of waiting. No one likes waiting, especially when “you” are drying up the whole time. But there is a purpose in all of this ~ it is a time of preparation where something useful can be refined into something spectacular. Don’t get off the drying table!

God has to break out His Word, the hand cards, to do some separation and subsequent removal of anything not worthy to remain in His presence. “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” Hebrews 4:12-13, NKJV.

Once God does some stripping within our lives, we all too often jump “off the table” and right into our openness, once again trying to do everything the old way. We are this roving now. We have been picked thru by God and found ready for the spinning, so why is it we try to put on our new life and do it ourselves? God has not yet completed the work and the intimate refinement is just beginning. Our foundation has to be firm, not something that will blow away with the winds of life.

The eye of the needle on a spinning wheel requires the wool to be twisted in order to pass thru it. We must become intertwined with Him in order to find the way of true life. “…narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” Matthew 7:14, NKJV. It is God’s desire that we become one with Him. With Him at the wheel, there is no difference between the refined string and newly spun yarn. They are indistinguishable from one another. Jesus said, “I and the Father are one heart and mind.” John 10:30, The Message Remix.

Again, this provides us with another example of our own desire to “get on with it”. The moment we do something in our own strength, I sense we have dishonored Him. God continually puts us thru “the fire” (the heat of life) in order to purify us and purify our motives. This is big issue with the body of Christ today. Our motives must be pure! Do not be deceived in your own ability because it is nothing. When we allow God to twist us (getting uncomfortable) and refine us to the point where we fit thru the narrow gate, THEN He can really complete His grand design and plan for our lives. Our innermost spirit man learns to wait, without complaining, on God’s continual preparation and refinement. We must abide in Him! Jesus said the words, “…without Me you can do nothing” in John 15:5, where He illustrates that He is the Vine and we are the branches. The Vine is our source of life. The branches cannot take the place of the Vine, not ever! Dependency on our own ability leaves us stressed out, tired and worn out. Walking in need of our Lord always, within Him, provides the strength to endure anything. Obedience to Him, carried out thru Him, out of our love for Him is never exhausting.


So my prayer is this: Heavenly Father, I yield to You once again today. I have gotten up and gotten out of Your refinement process so many times ~ please forgive me! I repent from going about my own life and not laying down to you in every aspect ~ please forgive me! Thank you for being so patient with me and loving me throughout every step. I love you so much, Lord! To Your plans, I say Yes and Amen! To Your desires, I submit myself. Take me, Lord Jesus, and take me thru the refining that You must complete within me. I yield my will to Yours. Open my life and pick thru it, remove all the junk! Create Yourself within me where I can truly be in Your lovely image. Spin me, twist me and take me thru the narrow places that I must pass ~ I trust You completely. Weave my life into something that honors You and brings You along all the glory You are due. Everything I am and all that is within me is all for You. Help me, Lord, as I am nothing without You. I love you, Jesus.